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Make sure to check out my weekly advice column (every Thursday) in the MOLI's Life & Love section. Need advice? Send me a message or post a topic on my message board.

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  • Marriage Material

    Dear Gillian,

    My son is 25 and recently got engaged to his girlfriend of seven months. My husband and I are worried because she is quite the 'wild child.' I think this marriage might be premature because I don't think that this girl is grounded enough to want to make this last. She still parties a lot and flirts with his guy friends. I think my son is just infatuated and doesn't "see" her for who she really is. I don't want to alienate him and ruin our relationship. Should I just keep quiet?

    Regards,

    Wordless and Worried


     
    Dear Wordless and Worried,

    You walk a fine line. While one's job as a parent never ends, your son is now an adult and can make his own decisions. I understand that you don't want to see him go down the wrong path, but life is (hopefully) long and sometimes we can only learn through our own experience. Is this one of those times? I can't tell. 

    So, give it a shot and speak your mind -- but make sure to do so with great caution and a very gentle nature. Remind your son that marriage is a major commitment and that choosing "the one" should be done after much thought and consideration. Tell him that it takes a long time to REALLY get to know someone (usually a lot longer than seven months) and that, at twenty-five, he needn't be in a rush to the altar. Let him know that you will love and support him no matter what decision he makes, but you do have some concerns. If he wants to know specifics, he will ask. 

    If you are met with resistance or hostility, just lay off. Your fears of possible alienation are well founded; being too controlling will likely hurt your own cause.

    And who knows, your son may have a better read on his fiancée than you do. Sometimes it's wonderful to be proved wrong.

    Gillian Zoe Segal is a new advice columnist for the MOLI View. Look for her column in the Life and Love section every Thursday. Do you have a question for Gillian? E-mail her or send her a message on her personal profile page.
  • Rickets Thicket
    If you've ever known the disheartening chore of pumping breast milk at midnight after your only night out in three months (a wedding, no less) and then pouring said milk down the sink because-for god's sake they had not one, but two custom cocktails created for the event, and who wouldn't want to try both?-and then had the baby start wailing from her crib, well then you know that breastfeeding, though  healthful and bonding, isn't always fair. Some times it just feels a little like a run-on sentence (see above).

    The latest in unfairness, although I confess the Times article wasn't the first time I heard about it, is that there's ongoing concern among pediatricians about vitamin-D deficiencies (including rickets) in breastfed babies. The article cites a recent survey of studies that estimates up to 78% of breastfed babies who are not supplemented in wintertime may have Vitamin-D deficiencies. Breastfeeding is still the preferred method of feeding infants (if it's possible for the parent (s), but human milk is very low on vitamin D, which helps in the absorption of calcium and is crucial for strong bones, among other things. The American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends a vitamin D supplement for breastfed babies to help prevent bone-bending rickets, and other more common, but less critical levels of deficiencies.
  • People Are a Trip: Frank
    Watch the video!

    Frank was kicking it at a miniature boat festival, demonstrating his craft for a few interested fans. His passion? Making stuff.

    "People Are a Trip" is a video series shot with a crew of one (me!) in New York City. I do spontaneous interviews with people on the street and with influential underground musicians. They answer my blunt questions with the truth of the moment. They are hilarious. No, poetic. Well, maybe quite philosophical.

    Juliana Luecking, aka QueenJuliana, is a MOLI View videomaker and contributing editor for Life & Love.
  • Three's a Crowd
    Dear Gillian,

    My girlfriend and I recently had a threesome with a good friend of hers, and it was the first threesome for all of us. My girlfriend really liked it and wants to do it again, however, I don't want to go down that road because I'm now attracted to her friend (and I think her friend might be attracted to me too). I love my girlfriend and want to stay together. How do I bring this up to her so she doesn't get jealous? I feel, in a sense, like I've already cheated on her. Help!

    Three's a Crowd

    Dear Three's a Crowd,

    While many guys would kill to be in your shoes, if having another threesome with your girlfriend's friend makes you feel uncomfortable, just say "No." Tell your girlfriend that you love her and, while you enjoyed your little escapade, you feel that going down that road again may complicate your relationship. Explain that it's hard/confusing for you to be intimate with her friend and remain emotionally detached. Let her know that, because of how much you value your relationship, you want to control the situation before things get messy. Knowing the great importance you place on what the two of you have should alleviate possible jealousy on your girlfriend's part.

    But what about your girlfriend's desires? Perhaps romping with a different third might work for you. Someone you don't already know on such a personal level (not in your social circle) might save you the complicated emotions. If this does not work, would you consider giving your girlfriend your blessing to hook up with her friend without you? Just because you felt conflicted about having a threesome, there's no need to put an end to her fun.

    Gillian Zoe Segal is a new advice columnist for the MOLI View.Look for her column in the Life and Love section every Thursday. Do you have a question for Gillian? E-mail her or send her a message on her personal profile page.
  • Don't Make Me Laugh!

    Okay, what's your favorite joke? This is mine:

    Question: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Answer: Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change!

    I know, it's a simple joke, but it usually gets some laughs, as well as some serious moaning. How about this one?

    Knock Knock

    Who's there?

    Isadore!

    Isadore who?

    Isadore locked? I can't get in!

    Uh-oh, I took a risk with that knock-knock joke, because I might get some punishing comments after this blog. You see, according to Washington State University Linguist Nancy Bell's study on bad jokes, "The predominant verbal reaction to failed humor in our study was oriented exclusively toward attacking the speaker," Bell said. "These were basically attacks intended to result in the social exclusion or humiliation of the speaker - punctuated on occasion with profanity, a nasty glare or even a solid punch to the arm."

    Ouch!

    Bell also said that a stupid joke insults the listener by suggesting that he or she might actually find it funny. Now wait a minute! What if I think I have a great joke, an intelligent challenge, and it's a pleasure for me to share it with you? I can't help it if you think it's a stupid joke, can I?

    Ouch, another punch in the arm!

    Hey, give me a break here! Shouldn't my friends be really glad that I don't possess that annoying habit of saying something I think is funny, then laugh at it myself, then quickly rattle off another joke - then another - without stopping until everyone leaves the room?

    Wait, are you hauling off to punch me in the arm right now? Okay, I understand, but I told you two of my favorite jokes. I took a big risk, so now why don't you tell me one of yours? Hm? Don't be scared ...

    Juliana Luecking, aka Queen Juliana, is a MOLI View contributing editor for Life & Love.

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2 comments

  • Jenny

    10:16 EDT, 04.Aug.08
    Is was nice having you in West Palm Beach last week. Smile

  • Daniel

    10:01 EDT, 10.Jun.08
    Welcome to MOLI

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My Book

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New York Characters




A celebration of the personalities that make New York City unique.

Every year millions of people flock to New York City, drawn to its unparalleled theaters, museums, restaurants, and sights. While much has been written about these topics, one of the city's greatest attractions has gone largely unheralded: its characters. Among the masses, there are some who stand out from the crowd, a special group of New Yorkers who give the city its flavor and make it a vibrant, exciting, and unique place. New York Characters is a tribute to these people.   Celebrated in both photographs and words, Gillian Zoe Segal's subjects include neighborhood fixtures, prominent celebrities, famous personalities, and the truly eccentric. Among the extraordinary New Yorkers you'll meet are Guardian Angel founder Curtis Sliwa; Ken Krisses, the president of the Coney Island Polar Bear Club; the "real" Kramer, on whom the Seinfeld character is based; sports fanatics Dancin' Larry and Fireman Ed; restaurateurs Elaine Kaufman and Sylvia Woods; Dr. Jonathan Zizmor, the "subway" dermatologist; and Jimmy Breslin, the legendary newspaperman. Segal has photographed sixty-six such characters in their own distinctive environments. Accompanying the striking portraits are colorful profiles of each individual. The foreword by George Plimpton, a "New York character" himself, is a tribute to Segal's extraordinary work and her fascinating collection of New Yorkers.

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