If you're married, in a relationship or just shackin' up (to use a decidedly archaic term), how do you handle your money?

It's an important matter; couples have split up from conflicts over less important issues. I don't pretend to have all the answers but I do have some suggestions.

Assuming it's not a triad or other complex, multi-layered relationship, we're talkin' two; a pair; a couple. The easiest solution is to have at least three separate accounts. Each person has "their own" money, plus a common pool for shared expenses. It's easier, naturally when both people are working and earning money. But it's important for each one to have cash for incidentals. The amount depends on how much there is in the first place. More about that later.

The most important thing is to cover shared expenses: Rent or mortgage payments, utilities (power, water, cable or satellite TV, Internet etc.), but it has to be fair and both parties must agree. For example: I want all the premium channels and you don't. If the bucks are tight, we'll have to compromise. This applies, even if the couple is NOT in a relationship - roommates, if you like. If you can figure out an amount for each person to kick in on a monthly or weekly basis, covering all those things, that's fine. It's also fair. But in romantic or family relationships, usually one person makes more money than the other, so fairness is not so clear-cut.

Generally, someone assumes responsibility for getting the bills paid on time. That isn't always the same one who earns the most money either, so there's built-in disparity, and potential for conflict!

The way to deal with it is what businesses call "transparency." That means that at any time, either person should be able to know where the money is and where it went. It's easier than ever to achieve this, with online bill paying and such, though there still needs to be trust. And responsibility. Major purchases (cars, appliances, furniture etc.) should be discussed and the amount should be roughly agreed upon.

If there's interest in actually sitting down and devising a budget, cool, but most of us can't be bothered. And the truth is, it's usually not necessary. But for some people, it is, especially if each partner deals with money differently.

Now, if there's a lot of money around, then it may not be necessary to watch every penny. But that's not the case for most people, especially in this highly uncertain economy. Most of us have to be a little frugal and can't indulge every whim and impulse.

I've written previously about scalability, which involves adjusting your spending according to your income. It's also important to apply this principle to individual "allowances." The "fixed" expenses are pretty, well, fixed. Rent (or mortgage) is generally the same from month to month. Utility bills may fluctuate a bit by season; ditto with food, but they're usually in the same ballpark. You may also have other set expenses like insurance and investments. (If you can somehow manage to save money, by all means, do so!) But each individual's money should cover out-of-pocket, incidental expenses.

There's no magic formula; every situation is different. But the important thing is to manage the money so that it works for you and doesn't become more of a problem than a solution… or at least, part of the solution.

There's more to life than working and spending, but I'll let you work that out on your own... though I can suggest some ways to have fun that won't drain your funds.

Next time: Have fun!

Richard Pachter is the MOLI View's Vic Hedges.

Man, it is crazy out there! People who've been working forever for companies are getting blown out en mass. I don't wanna scare anyone but it could get a lot worse. Inflation is the highest it's been in 15+ years and when these jokers who've been screwing up the country for the last eight years are out of the White House (and the rest of the executive branch of the federal government), I strongly suspect that we'll find out that things are even more messed up than we've been told.

(This isn't going to be a partisan diatribe, though, since Congress is complicit in this mess.)

But we all need to deal with change, especially during personal and professional upheaval.

I've been reading The Change Cycle: How People Can Survive and Thrive in Organizational Change. (Ann Salerno and Lillie Brock. Berrett-Koehler. 199 pages.)

The authors have given the matter considerable thought and discuss the ways most of us cope with these extreme experiences. Their website offers a number of resources to understand how we, as individuals and as members of a changing society, can deal with these uncertain times.

What's most interesting is how they've discovered commonalities in the ways most humans face uncertainty and change, which they highlight here.

Their stages reminded me of something else. If you've ever lost your job, you probably went through a process that mirrored a catastrophic loss and the so-called "Five Stages of Grief."

Wikipedia describes it thus:" The Kübler-Ross model describes, in five discrete stages, a process by which people deal with grief and tragedy, especially when diagnosed with a terminal illness. The model was introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. The stages are known as the 'Five Stages of Grief' and apply to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom).

1. Denial: 'I feel fine. This can't be happening.'
2. Anger: 'Why me? It's not fair! NO! NO! How can you accept this!'
3. Bargaining: 'Just let me live to see my children graduate. I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years.'
4. Depression: 'I'm so sad, why bother with anything? "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?'
5. Acceptance: 'It's going to be OK. I can't fight it. I may as well prepare for it.'"

Losing a job is in many ways, a loss equal to death.

At work, there are things that you can do to try to stay off the layoff list, but the decision is often beyond your control. But there are also ways to prepare yourself and your loved ones so that you can cope with an uncertain situation.  It's also important to remember that we are all creatures of emotion and sometimes it's necessary to go through the bad stuff to get back to the good stuff.

Next time: Good stuff!

Richard Pachter is the MOLI View's Iron Chef.

I'm reading Bulletproof Your Job, by Stephen Viscusi, and it fits right in with what we've been discussing here, how to deal with a new job.

It's a pretty good book for the most part. The author is an executive recruiter and generally knows his stuff. I was a little put off by a TV appearance where he advocated cheating and unethical behavior, but that's not a part of this book, so I guess we'll let him slide.

Viscusi offers four simple principles: Be visible. Be easy. Be useful. Be ready.

That's good advice for new employees and lifers actually, especially in the current precarious economic climate, where job security is a joke.

Throughout, Viscusi's admonitions are easy to read. But he states all of his opinions as if they're inconvertible facts, and some of it is pure B.S., like advocating arriving at work earlier and staying later than your boss every day. That's great, but some of us have lives and routinely working late proves nothing and guarantees even less.

But most of the author's rap is pretty solid, and you're free to accept and reject what doesn't make sense to you if you choose to read it.

Here are some tips from the book:
1. Set a Google alert with your boss's name so you know if he or she ever gets stopped for a DWI or is in the media for anything (do this on your personal e-mail account and always fact-check anything you find on the Internet!)

2. Set a Technorati alert for your company and stay in touch with the blog chatter about your company - is it for sale?

3. Always have a "Viagara handshake" to seal a deal.

4. Company gossip is gold and can help you bulletproof your job. However, never be known as the company gossip - just let him think he's your BFF.

5. Bosses are trained to say office politics don't exist in this organization. Only dumb employees believe that.

6. Mentees-mentors and networking: Create a sleeper cell of friends in your company and industry who will emerge in a time of crisis.

7. Career coaches are for sissies. If you need a career coach, you don't have a career!

For further reading, pick up his book, or check out this article on the same subject from earlier this year.

Whether you're a newbie or have been around a while, chances are your employer is or soon will be going through some changes. Next time, we'll talk about dealing with 'em.

Richard Pachter is the MOLI View's Brainiac.