Dear Gillian,

I have been dating a girl for six months now. We are both madly in love with each other; I know this, she knows this, and so does anyone else who has seen us together. The problem is that she is unwilling to take our relationship to the next level because of our differing religious beliefs. Does love conquer all or am I caught up in a Sisyphean challenge?

- God Help Me!?!?


Dear God Help Me,

To start with, when I got your question, I had to look up "Sisyphean" in the dictionary. Call me what you will, but for those of you in my camp, it means "endless/toilsome" and stems from Greek mythology. Check out Wikipedia's Sisyphus entry to get the full story.

All right then, back to business. What a wonderful world it would be if love could conquer all (and our farts smelled good, for that matter) -- but let's be real, that's just not the case. Religion is an extremely powerful force that certainly does its fair share of conquering (think about the world's war history and you'll know what I'm getting at). I don't know enough about your girlfriend's situation, but while she may be gaga over you on one hand, it sounds like there are strong opposing forces working on the other. The opinion of one's family, friends, and community can be very influential in this arena. I know people who have been literally disowned by their parents for marrying out of their religion.  It sounds like your gal may not be willing to suffer the consequences of straying from her pack.

So, what I suggest is that the two of you have a frank discussion. Tell her that while you are in love with her, you do not want to waste your time in a relationship that isn't going anywhere. Try to get an understanding of exactly what's happening in her world. If she does not foresee getting over your religious differences, don't be dense. As painful as it may be, you must cut your losses and move on. The longer you wait the harder it will be on both of you.

Gillian Zoe Segal is a new advice columnist for the MOLI View. Look for her column in the Life and Love section every Thursday. Do you have a question for Gillian? Please send her a message on her personal profile page.

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The concept for the video series "Ricochet: Thought to Idea" is pretty simple. I shoot images and match them with my spoken-word pieces: funny stories about something that really happened, or an abstract concoction of things that bounce through my mind. They're little art videos that make you think. (By the way, what are you thinking right now?)

Juliana Luecking, aka QueenJuliana, is a MOLI View videomaker and contributing editor for Life & Love.

Dear Gillian,

I have been seeing a girl casually for about a month and a half and have come to realize that I am really interested in her friend, Laura. We seem to connect and I would be surprised if the feelings were not mutual. I would very much like to take Laura out, but do not want to hurt or anger my current squeeze (I can tell that she really likes me). How should I go about achieving my goal?

-- Confused



Dear Confused,

"The Switch" is one of the most delicate and sensitive maneuvers in dating. While doable, it is often complicated, time consuming, and risky.

The first move, and this is should be an obvious one, is to break up with your "current squeeze." Do your very best to accomplish this in a direct, yet gentle manner where you can remain friends (see my column, "The Art of the Breakup" for more details). It is important to make it clear that the two of you are just not "meant to be" so that she does not hold out any hope.

Once you are no longer an item, it is time for you and your now "ex squeeze" to move onto the "friendship" phase of your relationship. Invite her to meet up with you and a group of your friends. Try to set her up with one of your single friends. Avoid one-on-one activities - they can send mixed messages.

As soon as some level of friendship has been established, you are ready to make your move -- whatever tactic you choose, the ball is now in your court.

I call the above approach "risky" because it requires some length of time before you are able to directly express your interest in Laura. Time during which she may be swiped by another suitor. The problem is, given that your "current squeeze" really likes you,  I don't see any real way around this. If she were apathetic, you might be able to be a straight shooter from the start and get away with it -- but girlfriends are (or SHOULD be), for the most part, loyal to each other. If your squeeze were really hurt by your breakup, I doubt that Laura would jeopardize their friendship by jumping right into your arms. If Laura is the type of girl who would just jump, watch out, she has bad morals -- which means trouble for you down the line!

Gillian Zoe Segal is a new Advice Columnist for the MOLI View. Look for her column to appear in Life and Love every Thursday. Question for Gillian? Please send her a message on her personal profile page.

Erika Schickel:  So, it has happened.  I have officially entered the land of the Fuddy Duddy. Today my almost-teen daughter tried to go out dressed like a tramp (a TRAMP, I tell you!), and I went apeshit.  It was a classic parental spazz-out, worthy of Ed Bundy.  I looked at her in her skintight cutoffs and camisole, putting on eyeliner, and I think I may have actually said something like, "If you think you're going to spend the summer putting on makeup to go to the mall, you've got another thing coming, Young Lady.  And those shorts are too tight.  Put something on that will allow you to digest your lunch."  As the words were coming out of my mouth, I was hating me as much as she clearly was.  I always swore I wouldn't battle my kids about clothes.  I'm the mom who let her girls wear tap shoes to school. But this really pushes my buttons.  Later, I gave her some BS lecture about making choices about how we project ourselves as women in the world, but the bottom line was, I just didn't like the idea of some horny middle-aged man looking down my 12-year-old daughter's shirt.

So tell me, as a horny, middle-aged guy, Neal -- do you think I overreacted?

Neal Pollack:  Well, I may be horny, Erika, but I'm not horny enough to look at 12-year-old girls at the mall. I can certainly understand why you were reacting the way that you did, but judging from your description of how she's dressed, unless she was headed off to work in Bangkok, I don't think you have to worry much. That outfit sounds like it was designed to attract dumb, recently pubescent boys, which is part of her job description these days. There is a long Southern California tradition of girls looking like sluts at the mall, but I think you know that your daughter isn't a slut. She just has the bad fashion sense of a 12-year-old. So let it ride. Easy for me to say when my son will only wear one of two pairs of baggy cotton shorts because the rest of his clothes are too "itchy."

ES:  Ah, I remember those golden days, when clothing issues all centered around itchiness... 

Well, you're right, of course, Neal.  But for an old feminist like me, I can't help being all: "HAS SHE LEARNED NOTHING!!??"  It's funny, because I used to think about the politics of lookism a lot.  I have raised my children in a logo-free environment.  We shop plenty at the Goodwill (at least, that's where we go for our dress-ups) and I have always been careful to encourage her to look beyond the mirror.  She is a beautiful girl, but doesn't carry any of that self-conscious yuckitude about it.  She has never worked it before. In fact, Franny is so down-to-earth and Georgia is the one who has been dressing like a slut since she was two.  But this puberty thing really ups the ante!  And yeah, I realize it's her job to turn pubescent heads.  But, in fact, I think she's dressing more to impress her girlfriends than she is to attract boys.  So yeah, she's on schedule.  I'm just so ashamed to have reacted like that.  When did I get to be such a wet blanket?  Maybe I'm the one who needs a makeover.

NP:  Sluttiness, whatever that might be, isn't how you dress. It's about how you react to the way boys (or girls) react to the way you dress. With a mom like you, she's not going to grow up to be a Bratz. But we all have those elements inside us, and if she wants to dress like a hooker once in a while, it's not a big deal. If she came home with a tattoo, you probably wouldn't care, but some parents would. Just think of it as an early Halloween, ask her if she's headed off to Clown-Slut Lessons, and let it go.

Erika:  Touche, Neal.  Or should I say, tush-ay?

Neal Pollack and Erika Schickel's Because We Said So column appears every other Tuesday in the MOLI View.