MOLI View: Life & Love :: GirlieAction

Hooking a Big Fish
About a year ago, I went along with my girlfriend to go fishing for the first time. We were in Rhode Island, and it was early evening along a cut in the shore where freshwater and saltwater meet. After a few attempts at casting, I sat down on a bucket and watched her fine form as she reeled in her line, checked her lure, and cast again, avidly. After that, I figured I loved everything about fishing. The water lapping against the shore was soothing to my overactive mind, I tuned into nature and that opened my heart, and that's what I thought fishing was all about. However, this summer, to my great surprise, I caught a fish. A big one. And it totally freaked me out.

I had a small rod from my girlfriend's parents' basement, and a wiggly two-dollar rubber lure called a plug. She gave me instructions: to cast the line as far as I could, let it sink to the bottom, slowly reel it back, then cast again. So I did. And I did it again, and again, until I got a certain feel for the rod. Anyway, the line started casting out farther, and each time the line came back, it had less and less seaweed attached to the lure.

Then the crazy thing happened. My rod started having fits and starts and my easy reeling-in pattern was broken apart. I was suddenly alert, but the sky was pitch-black and the life of a fish was on the line, a two-foot bluefish with sharp teeth. I wanted to fight, to win, to pull it to shore and see it because it was fighting with me.

I dragged it up about three feet from the shoreline, and the fish let go of the line. Smart fish, I thought. I better get the net. As I ran to find it, I knew I wanted that fish. We netted it, then watched it flopping around and biting through the string. My girlfriend dragged it 15 feet up the beach. That's when I backed off, because I was the one killing it, and I knew it wouldn't die fast.

I turned my back to look back into the dark. I listened to the fish breathing very deep sighs. It struggled for five long minutes, and I stood still, pretending it didn't matter.

The next night, the two-foot, six-pound bluefish was the center of a big meal, and my girlfriend's parents and family sat around the table. In the midst of many pats on the back, I gave her major kudos, because she had done the dirty work: gutting the fish and filleting it, marinating and grilling it to perfection. With some mix of shame, pride, and hearty appetite, I ate the fish I killed.

Will I fish again? I'm not sure. Hunters and fisherman, how goes it by you?

Juliana Luecking, aka Queen Juliana, is a MOLI View contributing editor for Life & Love.
Geezerhood Looking Good!
Erika Schickel: My girls have been away at sleep-away camp for TWO WHOLE WEEKS and it has been utterly divine. This is the longest they've ever been away from home, and it's been long enough that I've gotten completely used to it. My house is clean and quiet, my days are centered entirely around my own needs and desires. I have abandoned the kitchen and eaten almost every meal out. I have had conversations with my husband! I have smoked dope in the house! Damn, this child-free life really has its perks. Makes you wonder sometimes.

Neal Pollack: Doesn't it, though? Basically, children destroy our brains and our identities when they're babies and toddlers, and then we spend a few years gradually piecing our old selves back together. Of course, by then, the life we had before kids has completely evaporated, forcing us to spend our evenings eating seafood with people named Bob and Gloria. At least that's what I think is going to happen to me.

ES: Yeah, already I'm feeling this strange yearning to play bridge ...
It's actually great to get a little snapshot of the future without kids, like this. This whole parenting thing is but a blip in our personal timelines. It's hard to grasp that when your kids are around, but once they start going away to camp and stuff, you see that really, it's almost over. I mean, assuming my kids matriculate smoothly into the real world between the ages of 18 to 20, I'm already over the halfway mark. A bittersweet revelation. But these two weeks have shown me that life is extremely full without my kids around.

The ballroom dancing lessons do help with my sciatica and keep me social. Mmm ... do I smell liver and onions?

NP: Yes, before you know it, we'll be taking ElderHostels to Ireland, having one safe pint around 6 p.m., and then tucking in early because the bus for Galway leaves at dawn. Wait, that's what my parents are doing. We're not old yet. We're not!

ES: You know, that actually sounds kinda good to me. Hey, Europe is Europe, after all! My girls came back since we started this conversation, and after less than 24 hours, my house is back to being a whirlwind of crap and chaos, I'm back to the routine of thinking about what everyone will eat (one of the regular chores of parenthood I most hate), and as I write this, Georgia flopped down on the bed and complained of being bored and hungry as she slung her arm over my arm while I was is trying to type this. ElderHostel, take me away!

NP: This brings to mind something. While I love hanging out with my kid, it does get tiring to have everything revolve around his schedule and his needs. I don't mean helping him with his homework or reading him a Tintin book before bed, but the feeding and the dressing and the laundry and, especially, the hauling around. Would our days be better without kids? Would they be fuller? I hesitate before saying yes, but I don't necessarily want to say no, either.

ES: Yeah, good question. And a brave one. Parenting is 90 percent drudgery. It's that 10 percent -- the Tintin books, the snuggles, the unexpected laugh line -- that is our payoff. For instance, the other day Georgia figured out that I'm the tooth fairy. It was a day of processing. In the morning, she said point blank, "You're the Tooth Fairy, right?" I admitted it (she's 10, it's time). Later that afternoon she came into my room and said, "So then where are all my teeth?" I pulled two sets of baby teeth out of my shoe bag, where I have hidden them all these years, along with the "fairy dust" (glitter) that I sprinkled on her windowsill and coverlet. Then that evening she turned to me and said, "Now I suppose you're gonna tell me that there's no Santa Claus!" Then she paused and considered: "Oh wait, that's right, I've seen him with my own eyes. Phew."

I loved her so much in that moment my head nearly exploded. It made that midnight run to the store for milk and Corn Pops worthwhile. I'm not ready for retirement yet.

NP: Yes, yes, memories are made of this. I have to wonder, though, when my mom says stuff like, "Isn't that what it's all about? Family?" I want to say, "No, it's not supposed to all be about family. There are other themes, other relationships. We're not supposed to spend our life arguing with our kids about whether or not they should be allowed to watch commercials with the sound off. When I hear people say that they just want to spend their weekends hanging out with their kids, I want to say, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? IT'S THE WEEKEND!"

This is not a popular point of view.

Wait a second. You let your kids eat Corn Pops?

To Be Continued.

Neal Pollack and Erika Schickel's Because We Said So column appears every other Tuesday in the MOLI View.
Sixth and Lincoln
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When I tell people about my good friend who was attacked by a crazy man with a knife, they always ask with alarm, "Where did it happen?" When I reply, "Sixth and Lincoln", a quiet block in a tony Brooklyn neighorhood Park Slope, they say, "Sixth and Lincoln? Sixth and Lincoln!" I guess they are upset and try to connect that fact to something. Maybe they don't know what else to say?

Or maybe it's a way for them to remember to look out when they walk on Sixth Avenue. I just don't know, but everyone says it.

I wish they would just say, "I'm so sorry your friend was attacked. Is she okay?"

The concept for the video series, "Ricochet: Thought to Idea," is pretty simple. I shoot images and match them with my spoken-word pieces: funny stories about something that really happened, or an abstract concoction of things that bounce through my mind. They're little art videos that make you think. (By the way, what are you thinking right now?)

Juliana Luecking, aka QueenJuliana, is a MOLI View videomaker and contributing editor for Life & Love.
People Are a Trip: Ben
Watch the video!

He works seven days a week, and it's 110 degrees inside that ice cream truck. If he could change something in this country, what would it be? Watch and find out.

"People Are a Trip" is a video series shot with a crew of one (me!) in New York City. I do spontaneous interviews with people on the street and with influential underground musicians. They answer my blunt questions with the truth of the moment. They are hilarious. No, poetic. Well, maybe quite philosophical.

Juliana Luecking, aka QueenJuliana, is a MOLI View videomaker and contributing editor for Life & Love.
Fearing Friendship
Dear Gillian,

I was madly in love with my best friend for three years. We were together on and off, but it just didn't work out, mainly because he never wanted to seriously date me. He wanted to remain friends, but I found it too hard and refused. It's been a year since we have seen or talked to each other. I've dated other men, but can't seem to get over him. I'm constantly comparing every man to him and they just don't match up. I don't think I'm in love anymore, but I'm not sure. Maybe I just miss our friendship? He emailed me several months ago saying that he missed me and wants to get together. I didn't reply because I did not know what to write. Should I write back? Was I selfish for ending our friendship? I'm afraid I'll see him and go right back to where I started.

-- Fearing Friendship

Dear Fearing Friendship,

You may not be sure, but I am: You ARE still in love with this guy.

When someone breaks your heart, you have one job to do: Take care of yourself. Your mission must be to heal your wounds and move on as fast as possible. It is fully appropriate to be "selfish" in this circumstance -- you are under no moral obligation to remain friends for his sake! Heartache saps a lot of mental energy, and we all have more productive things to focus on. With every move you make, you should ask yourself, "Am I furthering my goal, or will this make re-centering more difficult?"

Being a big proponent of open communication, I don't generally advocate not responding to emails. So, contact your guy (I suggest using the phone) and shoot straight. Find out what he means when he says that he "misses you." I see three possible scenarios:

1) The year apart has brought him to some dramatic realization; he declares his love and says that he really wants to move things forward.

2) He misses your friendship and your old pattern (the comfort of being intimate with you from time to time) - but he does not make a strong play or show any sign of having evolved.

3) He just wants to be your buddy.

If his response most resembles #1, then go ahead, get back in touch, and see how things go. If it's closer to #2 or #3, stay away. If you don't, and things get intimate, I can almost guarantee that you will end up back where you started. As for being buddies, when only one party is in love, it's almost impossible for men and women to be just friends. What usually results is an abundance of drama and pain. Do you really want to hear about your ex dating other women? If not, do you want to be in a compartmentalized relationship where a major aspect of this guy's life is being kept from you? The bomb is going to drop some day (you will find out that he has a new girlfriend) and it won't be pretty (although she might).

Time and distance heal, and so does a new, healthy relationship (especially a sex-filled one). When your feelings for this guy TRULY wane, you may be ready for some form of a friendship. Until then, get back to your job.

Gillian Zoe Segal is a new advice columnist for the MOLI View. Look for her column in the Life and Love section every Thursday. Do you have a question for Gillian? E-mail her or send her a message on her personal profile page.
Man Sells Soul, Literally
What does it mean to sell one's soul? Twenty-year-old Adam Burtle tried to sell his unfathomable feature on eBay back in 2001. Unfortunately for him (and interested bidders), he didn't have a proper representation of his sacred self to pop into a cardboard box and send off to the highest bidder. According to USA Today, the eBay community didn't have much faith in his attempt, and Burtle was quoted saying, "I was just bored, and I'm a geek. So anytime I'm bored, I go back to my Internet."

But just last week, New Zealander Walter Scott made a tangible transaction by creating a deed of ownership, and his soul's new owner, Hell Pizza, is thrilled! "The soul belongs to Hell, there is simply no better place for it," Rachael Allison, Hell's head of marketing, told the Associated Press. "He was pretty delighted." Also noted by AP was an Australian man who recently sold his entire life - including his house and a trial at his job - for $383,200. His marriage had broken up, and it seemed he wanted a fresh start. (His wife was definitely not part of the deal, and one doesn't have to wonder as to why she left him.)

What the devil: I thought that sites like eBay and TradeMe (TradeMe's slogan is "Where Kiwis Buy and Sell") were hot joints for selling off unwanted clutter items like dusty bicycles and never-opened crockpots. Am I wrong to wish for a limit to marketing schemes in our open, capitalist society? Or, am I wrong to think that the idea of selling one's soul is simply a cheap, profitable joke? (It did make me giggle.) You tell me.

Are you in the soul market? If so, do me a favor and check out WeWantYourSoul. Tell me, is it for real - or even close? Then let me know how much cash would you ask for your soul. Deal? Deal.

Juliana Luecking, aka Queen Juliana, is a MOLI View contributing editor for Life & Love.
Ricochet: Sun Bathing
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Been out in the sun lately? Do you heed the warnings about protecting yourself from harmful UV rays. In this video, you'll get a refresher on health tips, while the turtles sunbathe, worry-free.

The concept for the video series, "Ricochet: Thought to Idea," is pretty simple. I shoot images and match them with my spoken-word pieces: funny stories about something that really happened, or an abstract concoction of things that bounce through my mind. They're little art videos that make you think. (By the way, what are you thinking right now?)

Juliana Luecking, aka QueenJuliana, is a MOLI View videomaker and contributing editor for Life & Love.
People Trippin': Bruce
Watch the video!

Often these philosophical video interview questions surprise people, but this guy has spent some time thinking about this stuff. I caught up with Bruce at a street fair in Brooklyn, where he was watching over a table for a baby-shoe bronzing business. (He assured me, it was a friend's business, not his.)

"People Are a Trip" is a video series shot with a crew of one (me!) in New York City. I do spontaneous interviews with people on the street and with influential underground musicians. They answer my blunt questions with the truth of the moment. They are hilarious. No, poetic. Well, maybe quite philosophical.

Juliana Luecking, aka QueenJuliana, is a MOLI View videomaker and contributing editor for Life & Love.