MOLI View: Life & Love

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  • Lunchbox Lab


    While I'm waiting for that day, I thought I'd round up some resources to help keep you from burning out on the daily lunchbox routine.

  • Marriage Material

    Dear Gillian,

    My son is 25 and recently got engaged to his girlfriend of seven months. My husband and I are worried because she is quite the 'wild child.' I think this marriage might be premature because I don't think that this girl is grounded enough to want to make this last. She still parties a lot and flirts with his guy friends. I think my son is just infatuated and doesn't "see" her for who she really is. I don't want to alienate him and ruin our relationship. Should I just keep quiet?

    Regards,

    Wordless and Worried


     
    Dear Wordless and Worried,

    You walk a fine line. While one's job as a parent never ends, your son is now an adult and can make his own decisions. I understand that you don't want to see him go down the wrong path, but life is (hopefully) long and sometimes we can only learn through our own experience. Is this one of those times? I can't tell. 

    So, give it a shot and speak your mind -- but make sure to do so with great caution and a very gentle nature. Remind your son that marriage is a major commitment and that choosing "the one" should be done after much thought and consideration. Tell him that it takes a long time to REALLY get to know someone (usually a lot longer than seven months) and that, at twenty-five, he needn't be in a rush to the altar. Let him know that you will love and support him no matter what decision he makes, but you do have some concerns. If he wants to know specifics, he will ask. 

    If you are met with resistance or hostility, just lay off. Your fears of possible alienation are well founded; being too controlling will likely hurt your own cause.

    And who knows, your son may have a better read on his fiancée than you do. Sometimes it's wonderful to be proved wrong.

    Gillian Zoe Segal is a new advice columnist for the MOLI View. Look for her column in the Life and Love section every Thursday. Do you have a question for Gillian? E-mail her or send her a message on her personal profile page.

  • Rickets Thicket

    If you've ever known the disheartening chore of pumping breast milk at midnight after your only night out in three months (a wedding, no less) and then pouring said milk down the sink because-for god's sake they had not one, but two custom cocktails created for the event, and who wouldn't want to try both?-and then had the baby start wailing from her crib, well then you know that breastfeeding, though  healthful and bonding, isn't always fair. Some times it just feels a little like a run-on sentence (see above).

    The latest in unfairness, although I confess the Times article wasn't the first time I heard about it, is that there's ongoing concern among pediatricians about vitamin-D deficiencies (including rickets) in breastfed babies. The article cites a recent survey of studies that estimates up to 78% of breastfed babies who are not supplemented in wintertime may have Vitamin-D deficiencies. Breastfeeding is still the preferred method of feeding infants (if it's possible for the parent (s), but human milk is very low on vitamin D, which helps in the absorption of calcium and is crucial for strong bones, among other things. The American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends a vitamin D supplement for breastfed babies to help prevent bone-bending rickets, and other more common, but less critical levels of deficiencies.

  • People Are a Trip: Frank

    Watch the video!

    Frank was kicking it at a miniature boat festival, demonstrating his craft for a few interested fans. His passion? Making stuff.

    "People Are a Trip" is a video series shot with a crew of one (me!) in New York City. I do spontaneous interviews with people on the street and with influential underground musicians. They answer my blunt questions with the truth of the moment. They are hilarious. No, poetic. Well, maybe quite philosophical.

    Juliana Luecking, aka QueenJuliana, is a MOLI View videomaker and contributing editor for Life & Love.

  • Three's a Crowd

    Dear Gillian,

    My girlfriend and I recently had a threesome with a good friend of hers, and it was the first threesome for all of us. My girlfriend really liked it and wants to do it again, however, I don't want to go down that road because I'm now attracted to her friend (and I think her friend might be attracted to me too). I love my girlfriend and want to stay together. How do I bring this up to her so she doesn't get jealous? I feel, in a sense, like I've already cheated on her. Help!

    Three's a Crowd

    Dear Three's a Crowd,

    While many guys would kill to be in your shoes, if having another threesome with your girlfriend's friend makes you feel uncomfortable, just say "No." Tell your girlfriend that you love her and, while you enjoyed your little escapade, you feel that going down that road again may complicate your relationship. Explain that it's hard/confusing for you to be intimate with her friend and remain emotionally detached. Let her know that, because of how much you value your relationship, you want to control the situation before things get messy. Knowing the great importance you place on what the two of you have should alleviate possible jealousy on your girlfriend's part.

    But what about your girlfriend's desires? Perhaps romping with a different third might work for you. Someone you don't already know on such a personal level (not in your social circle) might save you the complicated emotions. If this does not work, would you consider giving your girlfriend your blessing to hook up with her friend without you? Just because you felt conflicted about having a threesome, there's no need to put an end to her fun.

    Gillian Zoe Segal is a new advice columnist for the MOLI View.Look for her column in the Life and Love section every Thursday. Do you have a question for Gillian? E-mail her or send her a message on her personal profile page.

  • Don't Make Me Laugh!

    Okay, what's your favorite joke? This is mine:

    Question: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Answer: Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change!

    I know, it's a simple joke, but it usually gets some laughs, as well as some serious moaning. How about this one?

    Knock Knock

    Who's there?

    Isadore!

    Isadore who?

    Isadore locked? I can't get in!

    Uh-oh, I took a risk with that knock-knock joke, because I might get some punishing comments after this blog. You see, according to Washington State University Linguist Nancy Bell's study on bad jokes, "The predominant verbal reaction to failed humor in our study was oriented exclusively toward attacking the speaker," Bell said. "These were basically attacks intended to result in the social exclusion or humiliation of the speaker - punctuated on occasion with profanity, a nasty glare or even a solid punch to the arm."

    Ouch!

    Bell also said that a stupid joke insults the listener by suggesting that he or she might actually find it funny. Now wait a minute! What if I think I have a great joke, an intelligent challenge, and it's a pleasure for me to share it with you? I can't help it if you think it's a stupid joke, can I?

    Ouch, another punch in the arm!

    Hey, give me a break here! Shouldn't my friends be really glad that I don't possess that annoying habit of saying something I think is funny, then laugh at it myself, then quickly rattle off another joke - then another - without stopping until everyone leaves the room?

    Wait, are you hauling off to punch me in the arm right now? Okay, I understand, but I told you two of my favorite jokes. I took a big risk, so now why don't you tell me one of yours? Hm? Don't be scared ...

    Juliana Luecking, aka Queen Juliana, is a MOLI View contributing editor for Life & Love.

  • Ricochet: Waterfall

    Watch the video!

    Oh, please! This multimillion-dollar construction by the Public Art Fund in collaboration with the City of New York is for the birds! Engineered by Danish artist Olafur Eliasson, 132,485 liters every minute are thrown over four giant scaffolds to create a set of Frankenstein falls. Is it beautiful? No. Does it take loads of energy? Yes. Does anyone know why a city like New York needs them? You tell me.

    The concept for the video series "Ricochet: Thought to Idea" is pretty simple. I shoot images and match them with my spoken-word pieces: funny stories about something that really happened, or an abstract concoction of things that bounce through my mind. They're little art videos that make you think. (By the way, what are you thinking right now?)

    Juliana Luecking, aka QueenJuliana, is a MOLI View videomaker and contributing editor for Life & Love.

  • Overseas Au Revoir

    Dear Gillian,

    I was seeing a guy for a few weeks before he had to leave for Iraq. It's been nine months and we've been writing, but a couple months ago, I met someone new. I really like this new guy, and I want to break up with the soldier, but I don't know how or when. Is it worse to break up with him while he's over there, or wait until he gets back?

    Help!
    Kerry


    Dear Kerry,

    I understand why you are confused. You don't want to upset the soldier -- especially when he is overseas, doing his job, in the name of our country. But you should know this: People are, in general, resilient. You were only seeing each other for a few weeks before he left. While the soldier's feelings will probably get hurt, I doubt he will be totally heartbroken. He will get over it and move on. Besides, did anyone ever cry for the rest of his life?

    Once you've come to the decision that you want to break up with someone (as you clearly have), my general opinion is the sooner the better. You are not doing any favors for either of you by prolonging a relationship that's heading nowhere. You have found someone that you may have a real future with, and the soldier deserves the opportunity to do the same. You don't know how long he is going to be in Iraq, and it's not fair for him to miss out on possible dating opportunities. (Even if there are no prospects for him out there, he could use his time away to clear his head and/or line up some possibilities for when he gets home.) As long as you maintain the façade that you are a couple, neither of you are going to be on the road to getting what you want.

    There is never a perfect time for a breakup. Ending a relationship is always tough; just take a deep breath and go for it. I would normally suggest an in-person conversation, but given the situation, just use the best form of communication available to you. (Video phone, phone, e-mail?) Being direct and honest will keep your reputation intact (a feat that cheating and lying will surely not be able to accomplish).

    P.S. If your soldier does happen to get really off kilter from your news, wouldn't you rather he have some time to cool off while overseas?

    Gillian Zoe Segal is a new advice columnist for the MOLI View. Look for her column in the Life and Love section every Thursday. Do you have a question for Gillian? E-mail her or send her a message on her personal profile page.