Neal Pollack: As I write this on the 3rd of July, I wonder: How do you teach your children about patriotism as it relates to American history? I can't imagine you preach blind fealty to God and country, but it's amazing how many parents do, how many households I've seen where it's verboten to criticize the government in front of the kids, lest they get the idea that government is fallible. So what's your approach? Did you try to get the girls to watch John Adams with you? At what point, if at all, do you introduce the Howard Zinn mind-blow? Has it been hard to teach them to love their country during the Bush years? At least, as my son's political awareness begins to stir, he has the hope of Obama to point his way toward a brighter tomorrow. How did you handle early civics, and how are you handling them now?

Erika Schickel: Oh good Garfield, "how do we handle early civics"? Howard Zinn?  Really?  You can't be serious, Neal.   Independence Day means sparklers and illegal fireworks at our neighbors' house.  You are clearly operating at a higher level of citizenship in your home.  I applaud you.

But since you ask, I will say that since this war began, I have made a point of NOT putting my hand over my heart and saying the Pledge of Allegiance.  I have told my girls that even though I love my country, I don't love what we're doing in Iraq (and other places) and that, until the war is over, my allegiance is on hold.  This will not, however, prevent me from eating a hot dog on the Fourth and going to the beach.  Both my girls share my loathing for Bush and love my "Another Mama for Obama" bumper sticker.  They watch their parents rant over the morning paper and have taken an active interest in the election -- so I would say they are definitely cultivating a healthy skepticism toward the government.   While their Am. Hist. lessons have been sketchy (Franny's getting the full tour in eighth grade next year), I feel like I've laid a nice, liberal, "question authority" (just not your mother's authority) foundation in my young.

Neal: Well, you're the one who was going on about the glories of social activism a couple of weeks ago. How was I to know you'd pull out the big mockery guns when I dropped a college sophomore reference?

In any case, we're trying to plant little social-justice roots here and there with Elijah. We talk about homelessness in very simple terms, and he's already telling us that he's saving money in his piggy bank so he can help out if food ever gets too expensive. It's funny that we're teaching "question authority" (outside the home), because my parents taught me the exact opposite. I recall a screaming battle because I didn't want to join ROTC. Me. Join ROTC. Seriously? They must have known me better than that. They saw it as unpatriotic. I wanted to say, no, it's just that I wouldn't make a good soldier. Trust me, the Army will thank you someday.

Erika: Sorry, I know that was a switcheroo on my part.  I mean, sure, I'll drive my kids to Sacramento to do a big school rally with a bunch of crazy performance artists, but no, we're not reading a lot of Howard Zinn around here.  What can I say?  I get all fired up about some things and then lapse into utter entropy on other fronts.  I'm demonstrating inconsistency to my children on a daily basis.  

But the larger point is this:  We do what we can to communicate our values to our kids when and how we can.  Either they will get on board, or they will rebel.  But what if they rebel against rebellion?  Well, that's a fear we all must live with.  Rebellion is quintessentially American (a point you no doubt made to your parents).  By blowing off the ROTC, you were exercising your right as an American, though I'm sure your folks didn't see it that way.  In my eyes, that makes you a bonafide American hero, and I salute you.

Neal: I don't necessarily see rebellion as political in nature, though, at least not in terms of the politics we were discussing. Yeah, some of my family was hard-core Republican, but others were at least moderately liberal. The way I turned out, while not a foregone conclusion, isn't exactly a shocker. In fact, I never rebelled as a youth at all, which is part of the reason I walk around with my middle finger extended as an adult. I don't know what that has to do with the original discussion, but, hey, parenting can confound the mind.

Neal Pollack and Erika Schickel's Because We Said So column appears every other Tuesday in the MOLI View.

Dear Gillian,

I have been dating a girl for six months now. We are both madly in love with each other; I know this, she knows this, and so does anyone else who has seen us together. The problem is that she is unwilling to take our relationship to the next level because of our differing religious beliefs. Does love conquer all or am I caught up in a Sisyphean challenge?

- God Help Me!?!?


Dear God Help Me,

To start with, when I got your question, I had to look up "Sisyphean" in the dictionary. Call me what you will, but for those of you in my camp, it means "endless/toilsome" and stems from Greek mythology. Check out Wikipedia's Sisyphus entry to get the full story.

All right then, back to business. What a wonderful world it would be if love could conquer all (and our farts smelled good, for that matter) -- but let's be real, that's just not the case. Religion is an extremely powerful force that certainly does its fair share of conquering (think about the world's war history and you'll know what I'm getting at). I don't know enough about your girlfriend's situation, but while she may be gaga over you on one hand, it sounds like there are strong opposing forces working on the other. The opinion of one's family, friends, and community can be very influential in this arena. I know people who have been literally disowned by their parents for marrying out of their religion.  It sounds like your gal may not be willing to suffer the consequences of straying from her pack.

So, what I suggest is that the two of you have a frank discussion. Tell her that while you are in love with her, you do not want to waste your time in a relationship that isn't going anywhere. Try to get an understanding of exactly what's happening in her world. If she does not foresee getting over your religious differences, don't be dense. As painful as it may be, you must cut your losses and move on. The longer you wait the harder it will be on both of you.

Gillian Zoe Segal is a new advice columnist for the MOLI View. Look for her column in the Life and Love section every Thursday. Do you have a question for Gillian? Please send her a message on her personal profile page.

Watch the video!

Say you're eating your lunch in a historical building turned modern yuppie supermarket. Can you sometimes feel a ghostly presence of past events, right there in the cafe? Or, say you're walking along a pier, talking on your cellphone, but you stop in your tracks because you feel a wave of odd energy? Maybe it's just me, but I'm curious if it happens to you too.

The concept for the video series "Ricochet: Thought to Idea" is pretty simple. I shoot images and match them with my spoken-word pieces: funny stories about something that really happened, or an abstract concoction of things that bounce through my mind. They're little art videos that make you think. (By the way, what are you thinking right now?)

Juliana Luecking, aka QueenJuliana, is a MOLI View videomaker and contributing editor for Life & Love.

Dear Gillian,

I have been seeing a girl casually for about a month and a half and have come to realize that I am really interested in her friend, Laura. We seem to connect and I would be surprised if the feelings were not mutual. I would very much like to take Laura out, but do not want to hurt or anger my current squeeze (I can tell that she really likes me). How should I go about achieving my goal?

-- Confused



Dear Confused,

"The Switch" is one of the most delicate and sensitive maneuvers in dating. While doable, it is often complicated, time consuming, and risky.

The first move, and this is should be an obvious one, is to break up with your "current squeeze." Do your very best to accomplish this in a direct, yet gentle manner where you can remain friends (see my column, "The Art of the Breakup" for more details). It is important to make it clear that the two of you are just not "meant to be" so that she does not hold out any hope.

Once you are no longer an item, it is time for you and your now "ex squeeze" to move onto the "friendship" phase of your relationship. Invite her to meet up with you and a group of your friends. Try to set her up with one of your single friends. Avoid one-on-one activities - they can send mixed messages.

As soon as some level of friendship has been established, you are ready to make your move -- whatever tactic you choose, the ball is now in your court.

I call the above approach "risky" because it requires some length of time before you are able to directly express your interest in Laura. Time during which she may be swiped by another suitor. The problem is, given that your "current squeeze" really likes you,  I don't see any real way around this. If she were apathetic, you might be able to be a straight shooter from the start and get away with it -- but girlfriends are (or SHOULD be), for the most part, loyal to each other. If your squeeze were really hurt by your breakup, I doubt that Laura would jeopardize their friendship by jumping right into your arms. If Laura is the type of girl who would just jump, watch out, she has bad morals -- which means trouble for you down the line!

Gillian Zoe Segal is a new Advice Columnist for the MOLI View. Look for her column to appear in Life and Love every Thursday. Question for Gillian? Please send her a message on her personal profile page.