MOLI VIEW™

Hi Gillian,

I recently started seeing a girl. I really like her but every time we have sex she puts on music that I hate. To be more specific, she selects show tunes (like Les Miserables and the Phantom of the Opera). It totally kills the mood and turns me off. I've tried mentioning this to her, but she is oblivious and doesn't seem to care. What can I do?

- Music Mike

Dear Music Mike,

Finding someone that you are sexually compatible with is very important (well, in my book, at least –- and that's the book you happen to be reading). We all come to new relationships with our own set of likes and dislikes. Sometimes the fit is instant, which makes for a great time right off the bat; but more often than not, there is a learning curve. The sex gets better as time progresses and you discover what turns each other on and off. The most important ingredients here are open communication and compromise.

I'm wondering if you have either ingredient present in your current relationship. Since your girl's choice of music absolutely kills the experience for you, it is your job to let her know this. You write that you've "tried mentioning it" but she "doesn't seem to care." Music Mike, did you get your point across or not? Sit the girl down and explain yourself in no uncertain terms. If she comprehends how you feel and is willing to work with you, great! It should not be hard to come up with some music that keeps you both going. But if she gets it and simply doesn't give a s—t, that's a different story: Your girl is just plain selfish.

Good sexual partners care as much (or more) about pleasing their mate as they do about pleasing themselves. Finding a common ground, or taking turns doing what each of you like, is essential. If you can't work this one out, especially at this early stage in your relationship, it does not bode well for your future.

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