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The Switch
If friend flirting means more, here's what to do
Dear Gillian,
I have been seeing a girl casually for about a month and a half and have come to realize that I am really interested in her friend, Laura. We seem to connect and I would be surprised if the feelings were not mutual. I would very much like to take Laura out, but do not want to hurt or anger my current squeeze (I can tell that she really likes me). How should I go about achieving my goal?
— Confused
Dear Confused,
"The Switch" is one of the most delicate and sensitive maneuvers in dating. While doable, it is often complicated, time consuming, and risky.
The first move, and this is should be an obvious one, is to break up with your "current squeeze." Do your very best to accomplish this in a direct, yet gentle manner where you can remain friends (see my column, "The Art of the Breakup" for more details). It is important to make it clear that the two of you are just not "meant to be" so that she does not hold out any hope.
Once you are no longer an item, it is time for you and your now "ex squeeze" to move onto the "friendship" phase of your relationship. Invite her to meet up with you and a group of your friends. Try to set her up with one of your single friends. Avoid one-on-one activities – they can send mixed messages.
As soon as some level of friendship has been established, you are ready to make your move — whatever tactic you choose, the ball is now in your court.
I call the above approach "risky" because it requires some length of time before you are able to directly express your interest in Laura. Time during which she may be swiped by another suitor. The problem is, given that your "current squeeze" really likes you, I don't see any real way around this. If she were apathetic, you might be able to be a straight shooter from the start and get away with it — but girlfriends are (or SHOULD be), for the most part, loyal to each other. If your squeeze were really hurt by your breakup, I doubt that Laura would jeopardize their friendship by jumping right into your arms. If Laura is the type of girl who would just jump, watch out, she has bad morals — which means trouble for you down the line!
Gillian Zoe Segal is a new Advice Columnist for the MOLI View. Look for her column to appear in Life and Love every Thursday. Question for Gillian? Please send her a message on her personal profile page.
I have been seeing a girl casually for about a month and a half and have come to realize that I am really interested in her friend, Laura. We seem to connect and I would be surprised if the feelings were not mutual. I would very much like to take Laura out, but do not want to hurt or anger my current squeeze (I can tell that she really likes me). How should I go about achieving my goal?
— Confused
Dear Confused,
"The Switch" is one of the most delicate and sensitive maneuvers in dating. While doable, it is often complicated, time consuming, and risky.
The first move, and this is should be an obvious one, is to break up with your "current squeeze." Do your very best to accomplish this in a direct, yet gentle manner where you can remain friends (see my column, "The Art of the Breakup" for more details). It is important to make it clear that the two of you are just not "meant to be" so that she does not hold out any hope.
Once you are no longer an item, it is time for you and your now "ex squeeze" to move onto the "friendship" phase of your relationship. Invite her to meet up with you and a group of your friends. Try to set her up with one of your single friends. Avoid one-on-one activities – they can send mixed messages.
As soon as some level of friendship has been established, you are ready to make your move — whatever tactic you choose, the ball is now in your court.
I call the above approach "risky" because it requires some length of time before you are able to directly express your interest in Laura. Time during which she may be swiped by another suitor. The problem is, given that your "current squeeze" really likes you, I don't see any real way around this. If she were apathetic, you might be able to be a straight shooter from the start and get away with it — but girlfriends are (or SHOULD be), for the most part, loyal to each other. If your squeeze were really hurt by your breakup, I doubt that Laura would jeopardize their friendship by jumping right into your arms. If Laura is the type of girl who would just jump, watch out, she has bad morals — which means trouble for you down the line!
Gillian Zoe Segal is a new Advice Columnist for the MOLI View. Look for her column to appear in Life and Love every Thursday. Question for Gillian? Please send her a message on her personal profile page.
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09:52 EDT, 27.Jun.08