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Because We Said So: Fogey Alert
A classic parental spazz-out, worthy of Ed Bundy
Erika Schickel: So, it has happened. I have officially entered the land of the Fuddy Duddy. Today my almost-teen daughter tried to go out dressed like a tramp (a TRAMP, I tell you!), and I went apeshit. It was a classic parental spazz-out, worthy of Ed Bundy. I looked at her in her skintight cutoffs and camisole, putting on eyeliner, and I think I may have actually said something like, "If you think you're going to spend the summer putting on makeup to go to the mall, you've got another thing coming, Young Lady. And those shorts are too tight. Put something on that will allow you to digest your lunch." As the words were coming out of my mouth, I was hating me as much as she clearly was. I always swore I wouldn't battle my kids about clothes. I'm the mom who let her girls wear tap shoes to school. But this really pushes my buttons. Later, I gave her some BS lecture about making choices about how we project ourselves as women in the world, but the bottom line was, I just didn't like the idea of some horny middle-aged man looking down my 12-year-old daughter's shirt.
So tell me, as a horny, middle-aged guy, Neal — do you think I overreacted?
Neal Pollack: Well, I may be horny, Erika, but I'm not horny enough to look at 12-year-old girls at the mall. I can certainly understand why you were reacting the way that you did, but judging from your description of how she's dressed, unless she was headed off to work in Bangkok, I don't think you have to worry much. That outfit sounds like it was designed to attract dumb, recently pubescent boys, which is part of her job description these days. There is a long Southern California tradition of girls looking like sluts at the mall, but I think you know that your daughter isn't a slut. She just has the bad fashion sense of a 12-year-old. So let it ride. Easy for me to say when my son will only wear one of two pairs of baggy cotton shorts because the rest of his clothes are too "itchy."
So tell me, as a horny, middle-aged guy, Neal — do you think I overreacted?
Neal Pollack: Well, I may be horny, Erika, but I'm not horny enough to look at 12-year-old girls at the mall. I can certainly understand why you were reacting the way that you did, but judging from your description of how she's dressed, unless she was headed off to work in Bangkok, I don't think you have to worry much. That outfit sounds like it was designed to attract dumb, recently pubescent boys, which is part of her job description these days. There is a long Southern California tradition of girls looking like sluts at the mall, but I think you know that your daughter isn't a slut. She just has the bad fashion sense of a 12-year-old. So let it ride. Easy for me to say when my son will only wear one of two pairs of baggy cotton shorts because the rest of his clothes are too "itchy."
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