The other day, a fellow from the Detroit branch of an
MI/NYC advertising firm sent me (and a number of my local songwriter cronies)
an e-mail soliciting us to write original music for use in commercials. Is it a
good deal? I wouldn’t know. Like most musicians, I don’t think about the
business end much. When any kind of licensing deal comes my way I generally
just take the money. And it doesn’t happen very often so, fuck it, let’s go
cash the check.

Though I’m sure we’ve all fantasized about writing
for commercials (mostly about the “getting paid” part) I’ve never really thought
about what it would entail to write music solely for the purpose of hocking junk
on TV and radio. In order to spell out for us burgeoning capitalists exactly
what they’re looking for, the firm e-mailed a memo full of helpful hints, key
words, themes and phrases they’d like to see.

It starts out predictably enough, then gets weird. But mostly it’s hilarious. Here are the “hints” in their unexpurgated glory:

Songs for Commercials

Below are some lyrical categories, concept, styles
and key words to focus on.

Energy – High energy, fun, upbeat, driving,
exciting, catchy

Anthemic – U2 is a great example of this. Agencies
always want to use their songs because they are so powerful. Also “Bittersweet
Symphony” by The Verve is used quite often as a model. Songs with great
instrumental builds like “Clocks” by Coldplay.

Best – “being the best,” “better than everyone
else,” “#1,” “amazing,” “fantastic,” “special,” “extraordinary,” “perfect.”

Happy & Fun – “feeling good,” “good times,”
“partying,” “being happy,” “having the time of your life."

Empowerment – “strong,” “can’t stop me,” “go your
own way” -- particularly important for female artists: contemporary songs about
the strength of women and the excitement of being a young woman are requested
often.

Excitement – “wow,” “amazed,” “I can’t believe it.”

Call to Action/Motivation – “let’s go,” “now,” “you
can do it,” “right here, right now,” “time is running out,” “I’m ready.”

Desire – “crave,” “desire,” “gotta have it,”
“everything you want.”

Change – “a change is coming,” “change the world.”

Seasons – “Summer” songs are requested a lot.

Travel – “on the road,” “go where you want to go,”
“driving.”

Express Yourself – “do your thing,” “have to be
myself,” “my way,” “be yourself.”

Beautiful

Freedom

Money

Dreams

I especially like those last four – which are
apparently so inspirational, $-wise, that they don’t require any helpful
instruction. Put Beautiful Freedom Money Dreams together and you instantly have
the Blood Sugar Sex Magik of our times.

Really,
licensing deals are the only things that allow you to put “songwriter” on the
occupation line when you’re filling out the “I-don’t-have-any-insurance” form
at the strip mall medical office. And, in order to have a viable music career these
days, you pretty much have to have a song in a popular commercial. I don’t
imagine Feist has any regrets. Nor Sara Bareilles or Joe Purdy. Moby, a pioneer of the form,
individually-licensed every track on Play, his 1999 breakthrough album, before V2
picked it up. It was the only way he could get the music to the people. Prior
to that, he couldn’t give the thing away.

So, there you go. Now that you have the inside
scoop, you can go write that girlpower anthem about partying down freedom’s
highway and watch the cash start rolling in. I still won’t pimp my jams out to
people that beat baby seals or pillage rainforests. But if the right feminine
hygiene product came along, I’d jump right on it.

Doh!

Wendy Case is the MOLI View's contributing editor for Arts & Entertainment.