When they first split up, many people believe they must immediately seek out an attorney and file for divorce. For some people, starting the legal process is the way to reduce the confusing feelings and feel some relief. For others, it's necessary to file right away because of support or custody issues. But it's not necessary for everyone. Here are some factors to consider.

* If you have young children and you and your spouse can't agree about how you will divide time with them or pay for their support, you'll need to get some temporary orders from a court right away. This requires that one of you file the papers to start the divorce.

* If you can't agree who will move out of the home, you'll also have to get a court to decide that, meaning that someone will have to file papers.

* If you can agree on who moves out, an amount of temporary support, and how you will share time with the kids, then you can hold off on starting the legal proceedings.

* If you have reasons to stay legally married, such as wanting to keep insurance in force for your wife and kids as long as possible, you can also wait to file until some time has passed.

* Your divorce won't be final for quite a while after it's filed. States have different rules on this but in most states, there's a waiting period of 6 to 12 months. So if you have some reason to want the divorce to be finalized promptly -- such as that you want to get married again -- you'll need to file soon.

It's definitely true that while you and your soon-to-be ex are still volatile emotionally -- which is normal -- you should not be trying to make any big decisions. Wait until you start to feel more solid. If you can hold off on filing for a while, fine. But no matter what, consider getting an hour's consultation with an attorney so that you can ask whatever questions you have. Here's a brief list of things you may want to know right away -- and there's more about dealing with lawyers in Chapter 6:

* Custody rights: what's customary? What is possible given any special circumstances you might have, such as your moving to another city or another state, or your spouse's desire to relocate?

* How will the marital property be divided and who will be responsible for debts?

* How much might you be required to pay to your spouse as child support? What about alimony?

* How will the divorce affect your taxes?

You may be able to calculate, on the basis of this meeting, how the divorce is going to affect your finances. In this way you'll be able to estimate how much money you'll have available for the rent and other additional expenses you'll be having. You may also be able to set your mind at rest about whatever worries you're having about seeing your kids.