Posts: 2

1. 

   Destroying the Party Dress

   18.Dec.07, 10:50 EST
   
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   Dear Tim,
   I want to wear my amazing teal taffeta party dress to my holiday party. My friends all laugh at me, and say the dress looks like a bad bridesmaid dress from 1989. What do you think? Should I wear it and say how fashion forward I am? Since everything old, becomes new again or should I chuck it and get myself to Dillard's? I'm including a picture of the dress with my letter.
   
   Sincerely,
   Torn in Tulsa
   <div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://m0.moli.com/m/0//MEDIA/cvb20:Q09WSUJFVE3QvylUHPkCaYN_" mce_src="http://m0.moli.com/m/0//MEDIA/cvb20:Q09WSUJFVE3QvylUHPkCaYN_" alt="" /><br /></div>
   Dear Torn,
   And I use that term loosely. First off thank you for asking for my advice, I'm always so thankful when someone seeks to better themselves through fashion. You seem like a kind-hearted albeit mislead fashion diva-lette in training. I have to say, that when I opened your e-mail, my Mac Powerbook inexplicably powered off. After coaxing my laptop back to full power, I’ve realized your conundrum.
   
   I’m going to make several broad statements and don’t take offense, I say this for your fashion education. First off teal taffeta never did anyone any favors, and unless you want to like that quaint cartoon character “Gumby”. I’m recommending you choose something a bit more flattering, than something someone would wear only if they were the last being on earth without a mirror or indoor lighting. Choose a color that makes you look radiant, or when in doubt choose black it looks elegant on everyone. But stay away from sequins as I have a feeling you may not know how to wear them judiciously.
   
   Nothing that you could ever deem to do with this outfit would ever ‘make it work’. Invite your girlfriends over for a cocktail party. Andre makes a fabulous margarita with a charming ingredient called Blue Curacao, (I’m including the recipe) serve appetizers and set up a little bonfire. Throw this dress on it immediately! Although you should probably stand several feet back as the petroleum content in this dress could cause a small explosion. And watch it burn, baby burn.
   
   Yours truly,
   Tim
   
   
   Andre’s Bluerita Recipe (Margarita)
   15 oz tequila
   10 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
   10 oz lime juice
   coarse salt
   
   Rub rim of cocktail glass with lime juice. Dip rim in coarse salt. Shake tequila, blue curacao, and lime juice with ice, strain into the salt-rimmed glass, and serve.
   
   Makes ten servings. Enjoy!
   
   

2. Will we ever go to Red Lobster again?

   20.Nov.07, 22:31 EST
   
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   Dear Tim,
   When can we go to Red Lobster again? I love seeing your white hair glisten in the fluorescent lighting and drinking strawberry margaritas. I’m sorry I got angry with you when you edited my Spring 2008 collection sketches. And I’m sorry about your Jonathan Adler vases, I’ll buy you new ones, I didn’t mean to smash them on the distressed bamboo floor. But when you say my collection looks so “Sturm und Drang” and revise my entire collection with a red Sharpie, well… it makes me angry.

   
   

   I know sweater dresses aren’t in this season, but I’m a designer and I’m fashion forward.Tim, I’m going to create the trends not just copy them. What was so wrong with my Rainbow Brite inspired sweater dress? I thought the gold belt went great with red, pink, and green striped sweater dress? I know you’re a fashion guru, but I’m sad that with your new show and your new “partner” Veronica, I’m feeling very neglected. And Tim you know I’m not just giggles and tickles. So, tell me when you forgive me and we can go to Red Lobster again and I promise we’ll sit in a corner booth share a shrimp feast and be inconspicuous.
   

   Love,

   Snuggles