It turns out America has a mayor. "America's Mayonnaise" is running to be America's president, or as the Onion has said, "President of 9/11." The funny thing is this guy comes from my hometown, nyc. There he was "mayor of Nike Town," as the humorist Fran Lebowitz called him, or as he was officially known, "the mayor of Staten Island," although he probably got elected without the vote of "strong island's" Wu-Tang Clan (he might have got a few votes from that group, they are a diverse bunch.)

Rudolph W. Giuliani, yeah that's him. It would be very easy for me to say that I didn't and don't like him. People like me didn't and don't like him. Of course, "if people like me" had actually voted instead of chewing up ring-dings while dragging smoke rings as the election returns rang up, there might not have been a mayor of Staten Island to dislike. BTW, nothinc against Strong Island, but they came out in droves the first year Rudey-boy won, because, I'm not making this up, on the ballot was the possibility they could secede from the City of New York. And like the quebecois they do speak a different language with a different culture than the mainland (un, main island). [I'm glad they're still a part of the union, even if the overwhelming edge they gave Giuliani, put him over the edge (it was a close election), and, uh, put the rest of the city on edge for eight years.]

But it's not easy for me to say that I didn't and don't like Giuliani even if people like me didn't and don't like him -- cuz I'm not a people like me. I don't even believe in ideas like "people like me." I am a nyc boi, but there are lotsa nyc boise and girrls, and they're all different. It would have to be right, because, wait for the momentous thought, there's a lot of people here. NYC is, cough, cough, a gorgeous mosaic (quoting NYC Mayor David Dinkins). It was Giuliani's idea that there are people like me, and uh, people like him.

This kindof purity fetish is mayonnaise gone bad. The answer is almost always what was there all along, not the answer we came up with, that fucked everything up. Conserveyourightatives (conservatives) never seem to conserve anything; hypocrites, bluffers, super-charging zealots, action-politcos, they barrel through surface poses like armed mannequins never thinking about the intricate infrastructure their empty puppet legs are dangling on. Cities especially are dancing skeletons with counter-entropic independent bones. To stretch skin and sinew over this structure requires what every real New Yorker has; toughness and tolerance. Our current Mayor of New York, a Republican!, I believe has both. So okay yeah I don't like Giuliani.

You may have noticed that I called Giuliani America's mayor, the mayor of Nike Town, and the mayor of Staten Island but I never called him the Mayor of New York City. That was on purpose. He never was.