I'm going through a rough patch right now, and as normal with these times, I'm fighting off depression. I hate this vicious cycle that I get into. I get upset about something, then I get depressed, then I get mad at myself for getting depressed, then I get upset with myself..... It's almost never-ending cycle. And as always, my self esteem level starts to really drop. This is when I start to question if I'm actually good enough for the person I'm with, and I start to wonder if he is going to turn out just like every other guy I've ever date. I start to question wether or not I'm doing the right thing, am I setting myself up for yet another heart-break? I start to wonder if all those female friends of his are really just friends. Is he hiding anything from me? Am I just a breif stopping point in his life? How many times has he rushed into a relationship in the past? Does he really mean it when he says he loves me? It's this being neurotic that drives me up the wall! I'm normally a very sane person, or at least I pull it off okay, so when I get this big cloud of self-doubt that starts to hover over my head, I get very frustrated. 

I'm pretty secure in my relationship, normally, that is. I mean, I do get doubtful sometimes just because he is so very wonderful, and you know that saying "too good to be true". How is it that this man ALWAYS knows exactly what to say? How can one man be so damn perfect? Don't get me wrong, he does have his quirks, but nothing that absolutely drives me up the wall or anything. How is it that one man can be so perfectly intune with me? And what's wrong with him that he wants to be with me? :)

I know I'll get past this and everything will be back to normal. It really helps that I'm working again after a 3 week break. But I deserved that break damn it, I've been working myself to the bone for the past 2 years, especially since September. I've been doing it on my own, supporting my four kids, myself, and for the longest time, my brother. But now that he's come into our lives and is helping out, and my brother has moved on, it was a MUCH needed break!! Unfortunately, the bills didn't seem to agree with me. Now they are all looming at the door, banging and calling the phone saying "we see you in there! You can't hide from us!" like a bunch of mafia goons sent to collect the "pretection" money. Damn them. 

Bah. I'll get past it. I know I will. I always do.