'Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.’ (Ernest Hemingway).

'Have the courage of your convictions’. A simple axiom, that has provided the source of endless rifts between men and women throughout history – or at least among my circle of friends. Such conversations usually involve the distressed party (the ‘victim’) berating their spouse/ lover (the ‘accused’), by whom they claim to have suffered some gross injustice or misdeed.

The most prevalent example - and one that both men and women ascribe to in varying degrees - is the accusation “You told me you loved me so why did you sleep with my best friend?” To which the accused might respond, “It was just the one time” (so it doesn’t count, right?) or “I only did it to get closer to you”.

Then there’s: “I could spend my whole life with you” – a remark ubiquitous with the throes of passion - to which the victim might respond, “Taking me for breakfast tomorrow would be a good start”, as the accused flees the bedroom.  Or, if you’re in a long-term relationship (and female) you might be tempted to test their commitment by gesturing meaningfully with your left hand.

Not forgetting the custom popular with men on the second date if she hasn’t put out yet (or on the first date if she’s put out too soon). He says, “I feel so comfortable with you”, and she says, “When will I see you again?” to which he replies, “I’ll call you”. Then a week later she winds up round a girlfriend’s pad blubbing into her third glass of cheap rosé, “Why hasn’t he returned my calls?”.

A period of silence ensues wherein the friend attempts to muster some judicious advice, “Maybe he doesn’t have any credit on his phone.” No he’s on contract. “Oh...well, perhaps by ‘comfortable’ he meant ‘bored’, or perhaps he doesn’t remember saying that at all.  In fact, are you sure he didn’t just say ‘I’ll see you around’?”

These are just a few dating blunders in the vast schemata of dating rituals, but you get the general idea. We’ve all been there in one way or another. Yet I can’t help but feel that there is more to it than a simple case of right and wrong, victim and wrongdoer.

Persuasive sentiments that lack conviction are open to charges of dishonesty and insincerity, and can give rise to considerable feelings of resentment. But even though such disappointments are familiar territory, there is an almost absurd element of idealism that threatens their ethical foundations.

With the aspect of idealism there is an unusual amount of illusion and self-deception. It is far too often the case that the so-called ‘victim’ in the situation has created a mental ideal which they have forced the other person to fit. This can cause tremendous polarity which results in either-or situations that will inevitably cause tension.

Perhaps the point is not to judge oneself or the protagonist, Vis-à-vis thankless paradigms, but to see clearly and with detachment. Principally, it is important to keep a sense of perspective in any personal relationship, and perhaps a lesson for us all to stop taking ourselves so darn seriously.

By Amanda Carey/MOLI