Ageism is a social problem in this nation, and if you're wondering just what that is, it's the assumption on someone's part that they're superior because of their age.  Ageism is usually a thing where young people think they've got all the answers, that old people are just a bunch of old fogies who don't know diddly-squat about anything.  That, of coure, is an erroneous assumption . . . most of the time.  Young people don't just automatically come to conclusions that they're superior to old people; it's just a matter of observation sometimes.  People of all ages usually wear their intelligence like clothing, right out in front of God and everybody.  If you watch some old people in action, listen to them talk, you're bound to come to the conclusion that they dumb as a box of rocks.  The thing is, if you had talked to them back when they were young,  you would come away with the same assumption. What I'm saying is that old age isn't a cure for dumbassness.  Lots of young dumbasses end up being old ones because they don't pay attention and learn anything along the way.  

Time is a great teacher.  It gives us all space to learn, to grow, and an unfortunate fact of life is that the world is full of people who haven't learned much because they didn't take advantage of the opportunities time gave them.  We're all guilty of that to some degrees, but some old people seem to have missed the boat altogether.  And like I said, it'snot something easily hidden because it shows just like the clothing we wear.  I'm of the belief that people should dress according to their age.  A sixty year old running around wearing a teenager's clothes looks sort of silly, but it happens because the clothing industry in this country is geared toward youth.  Us old farts are left out when it comes to shopping for clothing. There's not much out there for us to pick from, so we end up buying stuff that's not quite right for us.

My wife won't allow me to wear coveralls, especially those jumpsuits old fart men wear.  You know the ones I'm talking about - the summer ones that have the little belt that snaps in front.  She throws a fit when I wear overalls, says they make me look retarded.  My kids often point out that I'm starting to dress like an old man, and I always say, "Well, that's good 'cause I am an old man."  I can handle criticism about how I dress, but I don't think I'd take it well if somebody pointed out how dumb I look.  "Say there, old timer, you're sure looking stupid today.  Are you feeling OK?"  I see it in their eyes sometimes, but nobody has actually said it to me . . . so far.  There's got to be a way, I figure, for us old folks to stop looking dumb, and clothing might have a little something to do with it.

As of late, I've been working on my wardrobe.  I look awful just hanging around the house, but I try to dress up a bit when I go out in public.  I run across other old guys out there, and they don't look dumb.  I think it has something to do with how they talk more than how they look.  It's like that old saying: I'd rather remain silent and be thought a fool than to open my mouth and remove all doubt.  Yep, that's it!  It's what we say that determines how people receive us.  There's enough ageism already out there as it is.  We should do all we can to cut down on it by acting like we've got good sense.  Sounds easy, right?  Well, pardner, I'm here to tell you it can be a chore, especially given what we're up against in dealing with a world run by young folks.

Maybe it's divine intervention trying to take care of me, but I can no longer patronize fast food restaurants.  I can't understand a damn word those kids are saying.  I'm hard of hearing to start with, but I don't speak the language of the young anymore.  I can't talk to computer techs on the telephone, or to credit card people for the same reason.  I'm even guilty of  shouting at the phone, "I NO SPEEKIE YOUR LANGUAGE!"  As a matter of fact, I no longer answer the phone.  Nobody worth talking to ever calls anyway, just some jerk trying to sell something.  

Here's one that really pisses me off.  Pretty young women have started calling me honey, dear, and sweetheart, and this happens a lot in doctor's offices, cafes, and even in bars.  They didn't do that when I was forty or even fifty, but now all of a sudden I'm a sweetheart.  One gal at a restaurant I frequent calls me "sugar."  Makes me want to slap her on the ass, but there's too many old men already doing that. Speaking of looking dumb, that's one that'll get the dumbass tag stuck all over you.  I just smile and order my meal.  She means well . . . I think.

I don't worry much about labels, but I do worry about appearances.  I don't like being thought of as dumb, and sure don't like being treated like I'm past the age of being dangerous.  Having some gal flirt with you, perhaps assuming she's lifting an old fart's spirits, makes me want to show her that flirting lifts other things on some old men.  I take it better from women than I do men who call me "old timer" or "pop."  But if you flare up about things like that, you run the risk of looking even dumber than you feel right then.  So do I just suffer in silence and let those ageists think what they want?  Nah, not me.  I just call them names like Junior or Sonny Boy if it's a guy, and it it's a woman, I call her Sis or Sweetie.  You've got to get your licks in, and they get the message.

My point?  Wear age like a nice suit or a twenty X Stetson hat.  Wear it like an evening gown or party dress, if you're a woman, and then talk up to how you look.  If you're still smart and snappy, show the world that you can talk with some intelligence.  And if you're still just as dumb as you were when you were a youthful whipper-snapper, then maybe you ought to dress well and keep your mouth shut.  Smile a lot, that helps.  And, Oh, yeah!  Don't get handsy just because you're old and can get away with it.  That's tacky . . . and dumb.

And most important of all . . . don't take any unnecessary shit just because you getting on in years.

D. Paz, 10/21/07