A couple of weeks ago, my cell phone and I got into an argument and my cell phone lost – violently. It's the only time I've ever gotten physical with an appliance, but a combination of a stressful day, some bad news, and poor reception pushed me over the edge. My immediate reaction was pure, unadulterated joy in my unreachability.

Alas, that didn't last long: I needed a new cell phone. And since my contract with T-Mobile is about as hard to get out of as the National Guard, I had to get one that would work with its service. I called the company – from my home phone, of course – and was offered an array of choices that stagger the mind. Was I interested in phones that were ideally suited for playing music, I was asked, ones that took pictures, or ones meant for checking email? All I wanted was one that made calls.

I'm hardly a Luddite: I'm typing this blog on a MacBook connected to the Internet on my WiFi network. But I have no desire to own a cell phone that does anything other than make calls, and send and receive SMS notes. To me, "features" like the ability to play MP3 files or take digital photos just get in the way.

So I made the predictable choice: I got the only phone that came free with my calling plan. Even that, a low-end Nokia, is larded with features I have no use for, including a lockable keyboard that beeps for no reason and a music player that trills out a KT Tunstall MP3 at random times. If it does this once more, it may share the fate of my old phone.

Why can't mobile companies come up with a simple, elegant phone that only makes calls? I already know the answer: Because the profit margin for such an item would be nonexistent. Handset makers have come to depend on a product cycle in which people replace phones that work perfectly every few years. This encourages companies to create new products that do 10 things badly instead of one or two well. More seriously, it also leads to dumps full of decomposing batteries that leak toxic chemicals.

I'm sure some people want Swiss Army cell phones that take photos, play music, organize their appointments, and open beer bottles. I only wish there were more alternatives for those of us who want to take photos with cameras, hear music on iPods, and talk on phones that don't play KT Tunstall when a call is coming in.