In high school, they told us that smoking pot will turn you into an unhealthy, unemployed bum. But they never warned us that it could endanger the American economy. But that's exactly the result it seems to have had on former Bear Stearns CEO James Cayne, who the Wall Street Journal reported last year was playing bridge and blazing up as two of his company's hedge funds collapsed.

At first, I had some sympathy for the guy. Then I realized that any drug that affects your ability to operate heavy machinery probably does the same for your ability to run the American economy.

Well, my high school guidance counselor was right about one thing: Pot makes you unemployed. Bear Stearns is being bought by JP Morgan for $2 a share — quite a comedown for a company whose stock traded at $160 a share last year. Many Bear employees lost their life savings.

This gives me stockenfreude – joy in the misfortunes of the Masters of the Universe. In a few years, maybe I'll be able to afford a one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan. I have sympathy only for New York's high-end call girls, who will now be forced to rely on state government officials for that much more of their income.

My anger is saved for JP Morgan, which seems to be profiting off of its Bear acquisition at the expense of the American people. The company offered $2 per share, for a company with a Madison Avenue headquarters worth $8 a share - $1.2 billion – according to a story in The New York Times. Under normal circumstances there would be risk in the deal's downside – the potential that Bear has more liabilities than assets. But the government has agreed to cover that risk – effectively guaranteeing Morgan a 400 percent profit without any risk. Why wasn't anyone else given this opportunity? Why didn't the government buy Bear and use its profit to help people whose houses are being foreclosed on? Hell, for a 400 percent return with no downside, I would have raised cash with a tag sale!

When times are good, Wall Street executives are quick to justify their bonuses with talk about the magic of the market. There's always talk of responsibility – of consumers for their spending, companies for their budgets, foreign countries for the value of their currencies. But where's the responsibility now that the market has turned against them? They go crying to Uncle Ben – Bernanke – to save them. The fact that he does only encourages more reckless behavior.

The High Priest of Hypocrisy here is New York Times columnist David Brooks who argued in a column that: "In normal times, the free market works well. But in a crisis like this one, few are willing to sit back and let the market find its own equilibrium."

That's not true, of course. The fact that the free market doesn't work well is what got us into this mess in the first place. So why doesn't the government – which looked the other way when mortgage companies preyed on the weak and, OK, the stupid, hold Wall Street executives to the same standard? At the very least it could tell them to watch what they smoke.