I'm sitting in my car because Spehira fell asleep on the way home and if I take her out she will wake up and if I leave her alone she will freak out. gotta love wireless

ok.... first to answer questions- Espionage was my first choice in a major but sadly UNCA just got rid of it. Apparently enrollment was low which I can't really understand... I don't know anyone who hasn't entertained the idea of being a spy. So I will have to settle for something else. I have been tossing and turning at night because I can't decide between English teaching (the safe practical child-friendly career- home by 4 and summers off) or politlcal science (the lofty change the world career in which I pretend that I can make a difference if I get the right major). I really want to work for an NPO- but in the upper ranks of things where I actually have a say and where I have influence and can change things. Honestly, now that I'm a single mom and relying on "the Man" for my means I have a greater appreciation for our welfare system and with it a huge dream to reform it. It simply does not work as is (and that's my lecture). But these days you really have to have a masters to do anything so big. I don't know. I have a hard time dealing with the anxiety of not knowing whether I can buy diapers tomorrow or pay the bills. And I don't want to raise Sephira under that kind of stress. I don't need a lot of money but I do need the certainty of a pay-check. And working for change the world kind of situations usually negates that. There are days when I think I'm just going to pack us up and join the Peace Corps but even that you have to have a degree for now. So for now I have contented myself with the idea that I will major in one and minor in the other although that probably won't happen because I'm not sure I can do that and really be a good mom at the same time. Honestly I think I just like to distract myself with indecision.


Sephira's dance style... consists mostly of a frantic waving of the arms while simutanously rocking the upper torso back and forth. The bottom half of her body has not yet figured out that it too can join in but I have faith that it will soon enough! She is simply one of the happiest babies I know. Except that lately she has demanded to be held ALL the time. Of course, if I comply she goes right on being the happiest baby in the world. If I don't.... doom.... very sad... many tears... breaking of mommy's heart. I have a feeling she might be getting a bit spoiled because I cannot stand to hear her cry and there is no one around to balance me out. Oh well, I can think of worst things.

Alright, onto the city question. I do like big cities... for short periods of time. But I do not get the appeal of Philly. I guess though when I really think about it, I do enjoy that art and the scene a lot. There is a huge creative flow there. However, the weather makes me suicidal (as does Pittsburgh... where there is much less art so it sucks even worse) and apparently the weather makes everyone else suicidal too... at least as far as my take on Philly goes... a bunch of depressed jaded grumpy people who are nice for awhile in the summer.