It gnashed it's teeth, staring right at me

About a year ago, I went along with my girlfriend to go fishing for the
first time. We were in Rhode Island, and it was early evening along a
cut in the shore where freshwater and saltwater meet. After a few
attempts at casting, I sat down on a bucket and watched her fine form
as she reeled in her line, checked her lure, and cast again, avidly.
After that, I figured, I loved everything about fishing. The water
lapping against the shore was soothing to my overactive mind, I tuned
into nature and that opened my heart, and that's what I thought fishing
was all about. However, this summer, to my great surprise, I caught a
fish. A big one. And it totally freaked me out.

I had a small rod from my girlfriend's parents' basement, and a wiggly two-dollar rubber lure called a plug.
She gave me instructions: to cast the line as far as I could, let it
sink to the bottom, slowly reel it back, then cast again. So I did. And
I did it again, and again, until I got the a certain feel for the rod.
Anyway, the line started casting out farther, and each time the line
came back, it had less and less seaweed attached to the lure.

Then
the crazy thing happened. My rod started having fits and starts and my
easy reeling-in pattern was broken apart. I was suddenly alert, but the
sky was pitch-black and the life of a fish was on the line, a two-foot
bluefish with sharp teeth. I wanted to fight, to win, to pull it to
shore and see it because it was fighting with me.

I dragged it up about three feet from the shoreline, and the fish let go of the line. Smart fish, I thought. I better get the net.
As I ran to find the it, I knew I wanted that fish. We netted it, then watched it flopping around and biting through the string. My girlfriend dragged it 15 feet up the beach. That's when I backed off, because
I was the one killing it, and I knew it wouldn't die fast.

I
turned my back to look back into the dark. I listened to the fish
breathing very deep sighs. It struggled for five long minutes, and I
stood still, pretending it didn't matter.

The next night the two-foot, six-pound bluefish
was the center of a big meal, and my girlfriend's parents and family
sat around the table. In the midst of many pats on the back, I gave her
major kudos, because she had done the dirty work: gutting the fish
and filleting it, marinating and grilling it to perfection. With some
mix of shame, pride, and hearty appetite, I ate the fish I killed.

Will I fish again? I'm not sure. Hunters and fisherman, how goes it by you?

Juliana Luecking, aka Queen Juliana, is a MOLI View contributing editor for Life & Love.