Posts: 6

1. Ringtones Available!

   09.Jan.07, 23:21 EST
   
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   ANNOUNCEMENT! We now have Ringtones available over at www.indierockringtones.com! They're cheap, funny, and will make you chvell every time your cell phone rings!

2. Scandal Shirts

   09.Jan.07, 23:20 EST
   
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   If a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts, then we might as well face it: Mel's a SCHMUCK! What better way to express your distaste for Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic rhetoric than a sassy t-shirt from scandalshirts.com? Make a sociopolitical AND fashion statement at the same time. (It’s so light-hearted, even Mel’s supporters would have to laugh. We think.) http://www.scandalshirts.com
   
   

3. You Know You're Jewish When....

   09.Jan.07, 23:16 EST
   
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   You spent your entire childhood thinking everyone called pot roast "brisket." You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout "Are you okay? Are you okay?" through the bathroom door when you were in there longer than 3 minutes. Your family dog responded to commands in Yiddish. Every Saturday morning your father went to the neighborhood deli (called an "appetizing store") for whitefish salad, whitefish ("chubs"), lox (nova if you were rich!), herring, corned beef, roast beef, cole slaw, potato salad, a 1/2-dozen huge barrel pickles, a dozen assorted bagels, cream cheese and rye bread (sliced while he waited) .. all of which would be strictly off-limits until Sunday morning. Every Sunday afternoon was spent visiting your grandparents and/or other relatives. You experienced the phenomenon of 50 people fitting into a 10-foot-wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates trying to get to a deli tray. You had at least one female relative who penciled on eyebrows which were always asymmetrical. You thought pasta was stuff used exclusively for Kugel and kasha with bowties. You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven. You were as tall as your grandfather by the age seven and a half. You never knew anyone whose last name didn't end in one of 5 standard suffixes (berg, baum, man, stein and witz.) You were surprised to discover that wine doesn't always taste like cranberry sauce. You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green. Your mother smacked you really hard and continues to make you feel bad for hurting her hand. You can understand Yiddish but you can't speak it. You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context, yet you don't exactly know what they mean. Kinahurra. You're still angry at your parents for not speaking both Yiddish and English to you when you were a baby. You have at least one ancestor who is somehow related to your spouse's ancestor. Your grandparent's newly washed linoleum floor was covered with the NY Times, which your grandparents could not read. You thought speaking loud was normal. You considered your Bar or Bat Mitzvah a "Get Out of Hebrew School Free" card. You think eating half a jar of dill pickles is a wholesome snack. You buy 3 shopping bags worth of hot bagels on every trip to NYC and ship them home via FedEx. Your mother took personal pride when a Jew was noted for some accomplishment (showbiz, medicine, politics, etc.) and was ashamed and embarrassed when a Jew was accused of a crime .. as if they were relatives. And finally, you knew that Sunday night and the night after any Jewish holiday was designated for Chinese food. pass these jokes on to all your Jewish friends!

4. Official Bio

   09.Jan.07, 23:14 EST
   
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   Introducing....the kids your Jewish mother warned you about: FA-COCK-TA! Intentionally raunchy, devilishly clever, and a complete affront to anything conservative, FA-COCK-TA are busting on of Vegas with heeb-flavored rhymes that are totally contagious. They're a triple-Jew crew with attitude! What's more impressive? The lyrical genius of Jewish Dave? The soaring vocal abilities of MC Ethel? Or that Avi the OG (Orthodox Gangsta) can drop beats so masterfully while still managing to make a talis this year's fashion statement? Experience FA-COCK-TA live and decide for yourself! Covering Judas Priest....aping Spinal Tap....there's no telling what FA-COCK-TA will do next. But one thing is for sure...FA-COCK-TA is gonna ROCK ya! Their debut show at MIST inside TREASURE ISLAND-Las Vegas, happened on Rosh Hashanah and featured a Manichewitz Martini menu and an Apples and Honey Bar! Their second show at the Las Vegas Bagel Ball found them yaking it up with Jewish singles twice their age -- which means there's hope for them yet! J Date anyone? Check out their website at www.FA-COCK-TA.com and look for their debut album LOXSTAR this sping and a PASSOVER THIS tour 2006! Dear HEEB magazine, FA-COCK-TA loves you and would be honored to play a Christmas Eve/Hanukkah party for your sassy asses in New York. Call our agent. She loves you too. Ok fine we'll call you. A lot. Dear Jimmy Kimmel, Since we know how much you like holiday-specific schtick, and since we love you a lot as well, we are willing to save a space for you on our highly anticipated "Hipster Hanukkah" Tour which will no doubt sell out in mere hours. Have your people get in touch with our people. Or we could have our people harass, we mean CONTACT your people incessantly....but don't worry, in the end, if you choose to deny FA-COCK-TA the immense pleasure of performing for you, we will be sad, but we will let your people go.... and finally Dear Mr T., MC ETHEL has always had a crush on you. Her grandfather told her not to have a crush on a "shvartze" but she screamed at him and ran away at an early age, carrying your photo with her wherever she went. Please Mr. T, come see FA-COCK-TA perform and say hi to Ethel. She will shit her pants. Well maybe not literally, but just in case she does we want you to know what you're in for. Thanks for reading and remember -- you don't have to be a Jew to make fun of Jewish stuff -- but it helps, and may save you a beating or two! (Were stronger than we look) FA-COCK-TA loves you a lot! xo -- Avi, Ethel, and Jewish Dave New songs coming soon! Additional songs to be posted include: WE BE SHTOOPIN' and SCHMOOZIN' & ABUSIN' (here's a hint: it ROCKS!)

5. General Info

   09.Jan.07, 23:08 EST
   
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   Band Website www.fa-cock-ta.com Influences Temple, Beastie Boys, Black Eyed Peas, Slayer, Peaches, Rick James, Turbonegro, and your jewish mother. Sounds Like When your uncle morty got drunk at your cousin Eli's wedding and sang "Hot For Teacher" on karoke. It also sounds like The Black Eyed Peas replaced Fergie with Peaches. Record Label We Run The Business Records

6. Band Members

   09.Jan.07, 23:06 EST
   
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   Lead Vocals and music concepts, studio arrangements, and backup vocals: KORBY (aka MC ETHEL), Jewish Dave & Michael Toast (aka Avi the OG -- Orthodox Gangsta) Live DJ -- Michael Toast