We all love an ongoing drama. Lady in Red wrote to THEOlogy back in
December ’07 and, lucky for us, has written again for advice.

Here’s a recap of the first letter:

Dear Theo,

I
got involved w/a friend of mine when he was in a bad relationship. He
finally broke up with this girl after being with her for two years, and
he moved away.  When I told him how I felt about him, he got defensive.
Can you go from having great sex with a friend to having a
relationship, giving it time, etc.? He's 11 years younger than me. And
I realize he probably has some growing to do, seeing as how I'm 37.

-Lady in Red

Dear Lady,

That’s
a hefty age difference, which can most certainly work, depending on the
person. Casual sex segueing into a relationship can also work. Yet I
have a feeling this guy may have some oats to sew. Are you aware that
you could also end up as his "rebound," which isn’t likely to last? To
put it bluntly, if he was cheating on his last girlfriend with you, he
will most likely cheat on you too. Could you handle that? I say smoke
‘em while you got ‘em. Enjoy the sex, and find someone for a
relationship who isn’t a cheater.




And here is Part Deux:

<p>Seven months later, July 2008 </p>


Dear Theo,

Okay,
here it is. I'm writing again because I am ready for the harsh truth.
Or I am trying to be ready for it. I am seeing the 26-year-old guy once
again and the sex is still great. He moved away and now moved back, but
he is still seeing the "rebound" girl that he met while he was away.
She moved back with him, but doesn't live with him.  My friends tell me
not to ask him about her, but I believe honesty is a good thing. (Some
of my friends are also not supportive of my seeing him).

I
am not certain where this is going, but I need some advice.  I still
like him and realize that he may not be being honest with her either.

 -Lady in Red



Dear Lady In Red,

I
think you have come back to me because deep inside you know you are
being self destructive, but at the same time you are having a good time
so why stop, right? I don’t know how much this hurt you the first time,
but only you know if you can take it. I will say that often when good
friends disapprove, it’s something to pay attention to. Remember, your
friends will be there for you when he is with the new rebound girl or
whomever else he is sleeping with. You can ask him anything you want,
and he may answer with what he thinks you want to hear. Or perhaps he
will tell you the truth and you will filter out what you want to hear.
Or maybe he’ll be truthful and you will too, who knows? All I can say
is the sex better be worth the shit storm that may arrive later. I hope
that you got the truth you were looking for. It’s your choice to take
my advice or not, but you asked for it. Most importantly, use condoms.


Theo Kogan is the MOLI View's contributing editor for Fashion & Design. Her THEOlogy column appears Tuesdays and Thursdays. Every other Tuesday, she answers your questions with her tough-love advice. Send your questions via e-mail or here on MOLI.