I met a funeral procession not long ago and like all the other motorists pulled to the side of the road in respect for whoever had died and was being buried.  Sitting there watching the cars drive slowly past me headed to some graveyard outside of town, I couldn't help but wonder - was this person worth the respect he or she is being shown?  Just being dead isn't enough, I decided, to cost me five minutes out of my day to show respect for somebody I didn't know.  Were they a good person?  Did they do anything in life at all noteworthy, or were they just another societal sponge who soaked up as much as they could and gave back very little.  And let's face it folks, many of the people who'll die today have been little more than that - a sponge.  

Already, I can hear you saying, "But that person was a human being.  You owe them that respect just for that reason alone.  They were a human being, man.  Doesn't that mean anything to you?"  Well . . . no!  The fact that they were a member of the human race doesn't impress me a damn bit because I can't find much that's all that reverent about being a human being.  "But they had a soul, man.  They had a spirit within them, and for that reason, you must honor them."  Well . . . no again.  I don't accept the premise that all human beings have souls, or that spirit within.  And if they do, the chances are that it's an evil spirit, a bad one.  And I'm supposed to honor that?

I don't mind people being a sponge because even a sponge has some worthwhile attributes.  Even if the person did nothing in life aimed at the betterment of himself or his fellow man, at least he used up something along the way.  I mean, somebody's got to eat all that junk food that's being served up to the public in alarming proportions.  That crap is garbage, and if someone decides to be the garbage disposal that consumes that shit, then more power to them.  As a sponge for crappy food, you have provided a service to the world.  You will sponge up the garbage and thereby give the national economy a big boost in any number of ways.  You'll keep lots of ditzy teenagers emplyed in fast food restaurants, and in the long run you'll make people in the health care industry very happy.  Some surgeon will whack you open and do heart by-pass on you, or maybe you'll just keel over with a stroke and stay in an institution the rest of your life.   Being just a sponge isn't always bad.

Or maybe you were a druggie or a drunk, and you mooched off somebody most of your life so you could keep up your habit.  Sooner or later, you turn out to be worthwhile for somebody because the society around you has seen a way to profit from your gluttony.  Yep, they'll ship your ass off to rehab, maybe even a time or two, and then recycle you right back into the rat race.  And they'll make shitloads of money in the process.  Folks in the business of selling the stuff that made you sick might be the very ones who end up paying for your rehab . . . 'cause they need you . . . you dumbass. 

Did you ever stop to think how much money human beings spend on ceremony?  Yeah, things like weddings and funerals and anniversaries and birthdays and all the other silly bullshit things we observe.  Take weddings for instance.  I can think of nothing in our society that's dumber than a wedding, and what makes it so dumb is the damn ceremony.  What a bunch of bullshit!  And for what?  I don't get it . . . even after being one of those dumbasses who has paid for a daughter's wedding.  And I've been guilty of spending too much on graduations, birthdays, anniversaries, and other  ceremonial things.  And why the ceremony?  Because we're human beings worthy of it.  We are honoring ourselves, get it?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - people usually get what they deserve.  We've got a lousy system of government in this country because we allowed it.  We even helped create it through our own shortcomings as human beings.  Start adding them up, the shortcomings, and you'll find a helluva lot more of them than you will attributes worthy of honor or ceremony.   But I stray from the original point here, so let's get back to the contention that most folks are sponges, one way or another.  I'm trying to make a point here that the sponges have provided a great service for the rest of us who have learned not to be the sponge . . . at least not in a direct way.  And I for sure am not trying to talk anyone who's a soaker object into reforming.  We need you.  You're the stuff all worthwhile people are made of, so keep it up. 

I'm at peace with the fact that the world around me is full of people who aren't worth much as anything except as soakers, but I'm not going to be victimized by the ceremony bullshit anymore.  I'm not going to abandon it; I'm going to embrace it.  Yeah, I'm going to start taking part in more of these senseless ceremonies . . . and maybe I'll start seeking out the dumbest of all of them.  As a matter of fact, I think we should set aside a week of celebration just for the soakers, the sponges.  We could call it National Sponge Week, and we could devote it to going out there and being what we're best at . . . being sponges.  The government will thank us, as will big business and all the others who prosper at our expense. Maybe we could do it in June, or on Super Bowl week.

Better yet, how about some ceremonies aimed at the celebration of humankind's willingness to stop war, or disease, or cruelty to animals, or the needless cutting of our forests.  Yeah, that would be a good start . . . a treehugger celebration.  Maybe I'll take part in a ceremonial walk for cancer research, or attend a concert to raise money for ecological awareness.  I might join some organizaton trying to raise awareness about the victimization of the poor, perhaps even social security fraud. And you see, that's where I find some justification for our existence here on earth - that ability we have to reach out to those who are hurting, less fortunate, or just needy in some way.  Want to know what you're worth?  It's easy to find an answer, just ask yourself what you have done for somebody else lately . . . something that's good for humanity in general. 

And even if you stop off at a fast food restaurant on your way to doing some volunteer work at a local animal shelter, that's OK.  The rest of us still need you, one way or another.

D. Paz, 12/20/07