We live in a nation that holds bigness in high regard.  Big is good in America, and I give partial credit (or blame) for that on our capitalist system.  There's this idea around that anything worth having is worth marketing, but some big things ought never come up for sale.  I offer two examples - trees and whales.

I made up my mind shortly after seeing my first standing redwood tree that they should never be cut down. I'd never seen anything in nature that big before, and then the park guide showing us around said that some of those trees were standing when Christ walked the earth 2,000 years before.  Excuse the pun . . . but Holy Shit!  That's a long time for something to be growing.  I couldn't help but think what a tragedy is was to let lumbermen cut one down . . .  yeah, a guy who's only going to live about seventy years on average, who is nothing more that a insignificant pimple on the ass of humanity, and who might've graduated high school is going to chop one of these magnificent monsters down.

Yeah, I know, everybody's got to have work, and some people chose to work in the lumber industry.  Forests need management like everything else, and we need the wood to build houses, and so forth and so on.  Well, shit on that!  I don't care how bad some jerk needs a job, he can surely find something to do that's less harmful to the environment, less destructive to the earth, and not such an impediment to the preservation of those wonderful redwood trees.  I admit to being a rabid treehugger.  If left to me, I'd stop the cutting of virgin forests . . . period.  If the lumber industry wants trees, let them cut their own, the ones they've planted in managed tree farms.  Leave all others alone. 

Look, it's just this simple.  We're a race of supposedly smart people, and if that's really the case, then we should be able to find ways of building things with materials other than wood.  We already have the technology, so stop cutting the trees, you greedy bastards.  I could offer all sorts of scientific reasons, but none of it would in any way change the minds of people intent on ridding the planet of trees.  They're too stupid to understand science, too greedy to care about what's good for the earth.  All they know is what little they know . . . and partner, that ain't much.

Here's just a little info on trees.  They are the larges living organisms on earth, and they live longer.  They are a complex chemical factory that takes water and salts from the earth and lifts them to leaves as high as 400 feet in the air.  By mixing this water and salt with carbon dioxide, food that feeds the tree, they are also creating valuable chemicals, seeds, and fruits critical to man's needs.  They remove carbon dioxide  (the main greenhouse gas).  More than half the biological species on the planet live in tropical rain forests (only 6 percent of the earth's surface).  And trees provide emotional power since they represent something spiritually uplifting.  And we are allowing these wonderful trees to be killed at an alarming rate.

And why should the rest of us care?  Simple.  Because these the tree killers are killing all of us.  They're doing away with the most proficient filtration system in the universe because trees and other forms of vegetation clean the air we breath.  Without them, we're goners, and that's how serious the issue of tree conservation really is.  And it's not just the lumber industry that killing us, it's all the lame ass laws that allow the continued pollution of the atmosphere that's snuffing out trees.  We're lousy landlords when it comes to taking care of the earth we walk around on.

Here we are, supposedly the most literate society on earth, and most of us don't know that.  And any dumbass can look it up on the internet.  I'm not just picking on the U.S. here.  Our record is lousy, but we're light years ahead of some nations of the world when it comes to saving trees.  Take Brazil, for instance, where the rain forests are being chopped down at a record pace.  And Brazil is a poor country and needs the money . . . yeah, yeah, yeah . . . just more bullshit excuses.  We can't do much to pressure these people to stop it for a number of reasons, paramount among them being that much of that lumber is coming here.  We have lumbermen scattered all over the world, mowing down trees as fast as they can to get the almight buck. 

I'd like to see a rabid environmentalist in the White House.  And I'd like for a scenario to develop somewhat like in the movie Dr. Strangelove, but with a different twist.  Let's say this prez went nuts for awhile, decided the destruction of trees was killing us, and then put his military on alert.  He informed his commanders of his plan, then picked up the phone and called some heads of states, like maybe in Brazil, and said the following:  "Hello, this is Bruce Brainwarp, President of the U.S.   I'm giving you 30 days to cease the cutting of trees, or we're going to nuke your asses.  Got it?"  Then, he hangs up, waits a few minutes, and calls another such head of state.

Well, that's all too farfetched to consider, but it's fun to think about.  And maybe the first few countries didn't take the threat to heart, and we had to nuke 'em a little to get their attention . . . you know, nothing big, just a little bomb or rocket to show them what we could do if we wanted to.  We'd have to nuke a few of our own people too, to make sure they understood how serious we were.  And what about all the lumbermen we put out of work?  Whatcha want to bet they'd find something else to do that caused less wear and tear on them, huh?

And I felt the same way when I saw my first whale in its natural habitat.  What a magnificent animal, and we allow people to kill them.  I don't give a rat's ass what they are used for, what their oil or flesh provides to various industries.  Just like with the lumbermen, the whalers can find something else to do.  A blue whale is so large that its tongue is larger than an elephant, the largest of land mammals.  It is the largest animal the earth has ever seen, including the the age of dinosaurs.  And we let people kill it?  Are we crazy?

Again, this is where we need a nutso, radical environmentalist prez.  We've got lots of submarines in the Navy.  Maybe President Brainwarp could send them out hunting for whaling vessels.  We'd have to warn the companies they are employed out of, including our own, and then torpedo the shit out of them.  Yeah, sink the jerks to the bottom, and after a while, whalers would start looking for a new line of work.  Maybe they could go home and clean toilets or something.

As crazy as this President Brainwarp would be, and as inhumane as his actions might seem to be, he would be the first president of the United States who actually did something to save all our asses from eminent destruction.  We are the wolves of the world, the worst predators ever to grace the planet, and if judged by our actions in regard to the management of our enviroment, the dumbest sonsabitches ever to draw a breath of air.  Monkeys do better.  And those blue whales I love some much?  They eat 8,000 lbs. of krill and fish a day, and they are nowhere near being the predator we are.

Listen up, dumbasses!  Pull your heads out of your asses and pay attention to what's happening to you.  Open your eyes and look around.  Trees and whales are big, you can't miss 'em.  And if you don't do something about their demise now, you'll sure be missing 'em a lot later on.

Lizzard (for D. Paz), 2/14/08