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Posts: 9
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Love Dissected
14.Feb.08, 17:08 EST
An evaluation of love on Valentine’s Day
I have never been much of a romantic, at least in the classic sense of the word. But love in the scientific and sociological sense has always fascinated me. So let’s just say I am an analytical romantic.
And this analysis always kicks into full gear on this day of romantic love – Valentine’s Day. Of course the cynic in me believes that it is a holiday steeped in commercialization. On the day after Christmas, you begin to see red, pink, fuchsia, and every color in between in every grocery, drug, convenient, and hardware store around. And then as it builds to its climax on that lovely day, February 14, the stores look like the blood and guts of every human being – red-hot Technicolor madness.
A few months ago I watched a wonderful video by anthropologist Helen Fisher on romantic love. It was a speech that she made at the TED (Technology, Entertainment, and Design) conference in February 2006 on a study that she conducted involving a group of people madly in love. Fisher observed subjects’ brains on display in an MRI as she asked them questions about their focus of romantic attention. Interestingly enough, she found that love affects the same parts of the brain as cocaine – dopamine and serotonin levels go through the roof.
The emotion of romantic love, or the “brain drive,” as Fisher called it, applies to those in the throes of newly found passion. And, in her speech, she segmented this drive as separate from that of attachment. Attachment, according to Fisher, is the third “brain system” associated with mating (the first is the sex drive). It is also connected to long-term relationships and the ability to raise a family.
Attachment, of course, does not come on like the rush of a sniff of cocaine; it is more a feeling of being comfortable and secure – kinda like a cup of hot tea on a cold day. And here is where I see the crux of marriage and the adverse effect of the commercialization mentioned above.
I believe that the way America idealizes love has destroyed many marriages – it almost destroyed mine. After the initial rush is gone, that beautiful passion wanes, and then … people give up – they think love is over. And if you believe what you see on TV and the movies, it is over. I mean, passion is supposed to last forever if your love is in fact true, right?
But as I have found in 13 years of marriage, love is not so simple and it is different for everyone. Around year seven (hmmm, the itch – how stereotypical), love started to change and it scared me into leaving my husband. But somehow we made it through and although it was very difficult, I believe we have moved into the “brain system” of attachment – and it is a love far stronger than the one before.
So on this Valentine’s Day – more than any other in the past – as I embark on a new love adventure (that of parental love), I will take a moment to cherish all the different loves that I have felt and appreciate them all. And later I will sip a warm cup of tea and smile.
Natasha Bright is the MOLI View's senior editor.
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In the Fire
19.Oct.07, 11:53 EDT
A movie about losing a spouse and fighting drug addiction can be a bit overwhelming. Things We Lost in the Fire is certainly not the type of film you would consider watching to relax after a long week at work, or to take a first date to. However, Danish director Susanne Bier, in her first English-language movie attempt, does an amazing job balancing the tragedy with small, heartwarming scenes that provide chuckles of relief amid the rest of the sobering realism.
The film follows Audrey, played by Halle Berry, as she struggles to deal with her husband Brian's (David Duchovny) death and tries to raise their two children without him. She reaches out to an unlikely source of comfort, Brian's friend from second grade who has turned into a heroin addict, Jerry, compellingly portrayed by Benicio del Toro.
Although at first it may seem strange that Audrey would find solace in an addict, you soon see that Jerry is her link to Brian. He's the only other person that knew her husband as well as she did.
Perhaps as a woman who has been married for 12 years, I naturally put myself in the place of Audrey. Some feminists may bristle at the vulnerability this character displays as she tries to survive without her husband, someone who had always taken care of her. But as I watched her struggle on screen with trying to do renovations, throwing out her husband's clothes, and even sleeping alone, I felt it was similar to the way I would react. I laughed as, after several sleepless nights, she dragged a surprised and perplexed Jerry into her bedroom to rub her ear, something that her husband used to do to help her fall asleep. And I cried as she tried to clean out their closet, only to put Brian's clothes back because she could not let go.
It's so hard — the act of letting go, which is truly what this film is about. The movie's website even prompts you to type in something you need to let go of; it's the first step of moving forward, of healing, of getting beyond the grief.
And as Audrey reaches out to Jerry to help her let go of Brian, she helps him let go of heroin. However, true to its realistic approach and even though the romantic undertone is very present, the movie never unites these two characters in a sappy happy ending, thankfully. That would have destroyed the integrity of the film, I think. What you are left with instead is a sense of hope that these two characters will triumph over their difficult situations and move on to happier times. -
Farrelly Flop
05.Oct.07, 13:07 EDT
The brothers try to float on used jokes in "The Heartbreak Kid"
I was driving home from work when I looked to my right and saw an airplane with what looked like smoke coming out the end. It seemed to be slowly getting closer to the ground, as if the plane — old, tired, and trying not to crash — was floating on air while slowly plummeting.
Then I thought of the new Farrelly brothers' movie, The Heartbreak Kid. It occurred to me that reentry into R-rated shock comedy was the Peter and Bobby Farrelly way of not crashing, of trying to stay afloat on jokes they knew had worked before.
Their previous movie, Fever Pitch (2005), grossed only $42 million. That's a far cry from the huge success of There's Something About Mary (1998), which grossed $176 million.
Heartbreak Kid is loosely based on the 1972 movie of the same title starring Charles Grodin and Cybil Shepherd. Ben Stiller takes the lead as the unlucky-in-love Eddie Cantrow, who hastily marries Lily (Malin Akerman) only to find out on their honeymoon that she is unstable and carries enough emotional baggage to please Jude Law on a transatlantic flight. At their Mexican honeymoon resort, Eddie meets the girl of his dreams, Miranda, played by Michelle Monaghan.
The movie also stars Carlos Mencia, known for his envelope-pushing comedic routines that exaggerate racial stereotypes. In this movie, he plays up the social clichés as Uncle Tito, a Mexican concierge. At a recent press junket in Miami, Mencia joked, "If I can't play this role, then I need to start looking for a new job." Indeed. He also divulged that he stole the accent he used in the movie from his Uncle José.And if you are wondering about the recent controversy surrounding Mencia's authorship of his material, the comedian chalked it up to the "piñata syndrome": When you make it to the top, people are always trying to knock you down, he said.
Heartbreak Kid begins fairly benignly, with Ben Stiller's usual dry brand of humor. Then in steps Akerman, looking amazingly like Cameron Diaz. Turns out she acts like her too, when Diaz played the leading role in Mary.
As I followed along on the Farrelly romp, I began to notice even more similarities between the two comedies. For instance: Odd family members are an integral part of both films. Remember Mary's slow brother Warren? Well, in Heartbreak Kid, replace him with a whole slow Southern family. Ben Stiller gets raided by the cops in both films. Another scene, where Eddie begins to fall in love with the "other woman" Miranda, could be a mirror image of a scene in Mary.Think of it as a Mad Lib:
Ben Stiller sits on the ground with _____________. They are bantering, getting to know one another while gazing at the water in ________________, and smoking a joint.
Sexual innuendos also make a comeback: However, in Kid sexual positions (pile driver, jack hammer) are the topic of choice, as opposed to masturbation (choking the chicken, flogging the dolphin) in Mary.
Even shockingly grotesque body parts are showcased in both films. However, instead of a woman's wrinkled fun bags in Mary, it's an exaggeratedly hairy woman's love nest. Ha, ha.
My advice is walk, don't run, to see this film. In fact, if you own There's Something About Mary, just watch it again; the jokes are cleverer, the plot more fleshed out. On the other hand, Ben Stiller does get peed on, and that may just be worth a couple of bucks to you. -
Beautiful Irony
01.Oct.07, 11:51 EDT
Don't get stuck in a job you hate
It's funny how things work sometimes. Just this evening I was reminded how life can change dramatically, and yet behaviors stay with you.
I wanted to send a mass office e-mail, in order to share an idea that I thought would help the company, but I was afraid. I know it sounds weird, but a swift realization came to me: I was shell-shocked from my previous place of employment, where sending out an e-mail with the slightest typo would be plenty justification for an hour-long belittlement session, or scathing PUBLIC e-mail.
Now, I am not going to name any names, but just six months ago I worked elsewhere. I was stuck in a job that I hated, miserable and demoralized. The owner treated us horribly. It was the worst type of micromanagement. I saw co-workers run out of his office crying on a daily basis. I was even one of them a few times. You can imagine what type of energy that place gave off — it was like a funeral or a place where someone will throw you in front of a bus.
This situation is so common in today's workplace , yet it is only beginning to be addressed. According to news reports, the treatment of employees is becoming increasingly important as the baby boomers reach retirement age, leading to a definite shortage in the workplace. And the x and y generations know that they will soon have the upper hand.
However, my last employer had not learned that lesson. He made that very clear one afternoon right before I decided to quit, with no job waiting for me.
It was the day of our sounds-good-as-a-morale-booster-on-paper "Hero of the Month" lunch. You know the type: They buy us lunch, make announcements, pick a hero, the usual. Except the usual that day was a wonderfully motivating speech on MySpace and YouTube orgies.
Yup, you read that right: orgies.
The owner of the company, while pacing frantically back and forth, gave a full-on Shakespearean diatribe on the evils of these websites. He gave complete explanations of how he has been watching and reading all of our profiles closely. How some of them were "obscene and appalling," to quote him directly. He then gave us the kind permission to have our MySpace orgies at home. These sites were to be blocked within the office from that point on. Then he talked a little more about "orgies"; he must have said that word at least five times. And we were the obscene ones?
Okay, now let me clarify. The second clause in the last sentence I can agree with: If you feel as if these sites are causing a severe lack in productivity within your company, by all means block them. But, it is not okay to tell your employees that they are obscene and that they are being watched in front of all their co-workers. The evil little man (as I was wont to call the owner) ended this wonderful inspirational speech by letting us know that if we didn't like what he was saying, then we could leave — but that all companies conduct themselves similarly and we would not get very far.As far as I know, no one in that office had anything on their pages that would cause this sort of reaction. However, I do suppose what one would call obscene is a very individual thing. Unless they are offering services that I don't know about, I am not quite sure how you would have a YouTube orgy. None of us who heard that speech could figure that one out, though we had quite a few laughs trying.
His pep talk worked so well that no one stayed to eat birthday cake, going back to work like good little bees (actually I just think everyone was so repulsed they lost their appetite). It's not surprising that the business has a 100 percent turnover rate!
Needless to say, after that I could not stand even being there, I felt so caged. I went to every online account I knew and changed my privacy settings. My MySpace profile (now blocked) read "Suddenly it was 1984, and I was in a Brave New World." Making reference to the Orwell and Huxley novels about "big brother" watching, I was hoping that the evil little man would be smart enough to get my sharp retort.
Then I quit. And fate showed me its sense of humor…
I took a little break to nurse my emotional wounds. I wanted to have a job this time that I enjoyed; I would take my time. So I did, and then before I even started looking, I got a phone call from a social networking company.
My first thought, having never heard of this company, was what the hell is it? I accepted the interview, intrigued. Then I looked it up, and I was instantly converted into a fervent follower and believer. A social networking site that allows you to control what people (employers, etc.) see, what an amazing idea!
I could not believe my luck, and they found me!
The interview increased my excitement ten-fold. They were so organized, so together; they seemed to share my views, ideas, obsessions. My potential boss even wrote an award-winning article on one of my favorite female musicians!
That night I created a profile and sent out invitations to all of my friends. Apparently it was this profile that was the deciding factor. I was hired. And I love it – it is the complete antithesis of where I was before, and an amazing place to work.
In fact, I conquered my fear and sent that e-mail, and the CEO loved it. Just yesterday he gave me permission to put at least two typos in every mass e-mail I send.
So thanks, evil little man, for driving me away. I left because of your tirade, and you know what? I was offered a better job with a better job title and a much nicer work environment at a social networking company. I can have orgies all day long and get paid for it!
Yeah — irony, it is indeed a beautiful thing. And for those of you who were or are in the same position I was in, don't listen to that negative co-worker who is on edge and spends most of the time smoking or complaining how all places are the same Hell. Because they're not and there is hope. -
When Two Worlds Collide
30.Aug.07, 12:14 EDT
Keepon and Spoon reunite at Wired's NextFest
What do you get when you cross a robot that looks like a marshmallow Peep and an indie rock song with a great beat? An instant pop culture craze, that's what.
Internet video stars Keepon, a dancing robot, and the band Spoon will reunite at a benefit concert for Creative Commons September 10 at the Music Box in Los Angeles. The show is also a kickoff for Wired Magazine's NextFest, which showcases new technologies in design, entertainment, transportation, and sustainable living. Watch the video – here, in The MOLI View player, or at Wired NextFest's MOLI profile -- closely, because you can win VIP tickets to this sold-out concert by answering three questions, creating a MOLI profile, and sending an e-mail with the answers to the NextFest MOLI page.
The story behind the pairing is unique, showing the power of the Internet to bring together completely different worlds. It all began when robotics specialists Marek Michalowski and Hideki Kozima programmed and filmed Keepon dancing to Spoon's "I Keep My Camera On," and put the video on the web.
In April, the film of the infectiously rhythmic robot hit YouTube, and a star was born. The video is just a close-up of Keepon dancing to the Spoon hit from the 2005 album Gimme Fiction. But it's oddly entrancing -- try to watch this and tell me that you don't get a kick out of it.
Behind the fun and games, Keepon actually has a purpose: to adapt and respond to human emotions. Michalowski, a research student at the Robotics Institute at Carnegie Mellon University, and Keepon are part of the research project Beatbots, which studies nonverbal play between children and robots.
He often collaborates with Kozima, a research scientist at the National Institute of Information and Communications Technology (NICT), who created Keepon and specializes in human-robot interaction.
Kozima also part-times as a music video star. Check him out in the MOLI player as he walks Keepon around Tokyo in the video for Spoon's "Don't You Evah," off of their latest release Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga.
And if you want to see the whole thing live, Keepon and Spoon in concert together for the first time, enter our ticket contest. -
Vote for MOLI.com!
17.Aug.07, 10:53 EDT
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The new quieter blog
15.Aug.07, 00:59 EDT
I have moved the Slogan Generator to another blog to allow for a quieter writing and reading environment. It was driving me insane hearing that guy say "Have a Slogan," every time I opened this blog. But don't worry - if you are just dying for some advertising fun, the Slogan Generator can be found in the new Ridiculous............ness blog. Along with lots more fun, games, and insanity.
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Read MOLI View, Now!
07.Aug.07, 12:16 EDT
Well this my third week now at Moli and I am quite please with the original content that we are publishing. It is original, refreshing, entertaining, and pertinent - all at the same time. What more could you ask for? I am publishing the feeds on my Social View. Please read our articles on the view, and post a comment! Let us know what you think; I look forward to hearing from you.
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the anticipation is crazy wonderful!!
20.Jul.07, 22:44 EDT
I almost can't believe it! Did I wake up in someone else's life? I knew I shouldn't have fallen asleep in that rabbit hole! My eyes have been transfixed on MOLI ever since I received that wonderful call this afternoon and my stomach still hasn't recovered from the excitement. I, for the first time, have been blessed with an opportunity to immerse myself in a career and project that truly reflects who I am. If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up. Although...this may get addictive and my husband may begin to miss me. I wonder how long it will take for me to be able to just get the internet transplanted directly into my brain?
Anyway, I hope you will all forgive the effusive enthusiasm and I look forward to working on MOLI with all of you.
'Til Tuesday (the day, not the eighties band),
Natasha
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